No matter how tough things sometimes are, and no matter how much worse the world seems to continue to get, my trio of small angels save the day again and again. I am so fortunate to have them. Loving them, being loved by them, there’s nothing worth more, and there’s nothing better. Despite all this sadness, despite all that’s bad, what I feel most in my heart is gratitude.
What you say matters, how you say it matters more, and what you do matters most of all.
Never let a hater ruin your day. Just be thankful you aren’t them, that you don’t have their life and that, however imperfect your life is, yours is better, because you aren’t hate-filled and miserable. The only thing haters have going for them is to somehow affect you, don’t give them that power. Let haters stew in their own hateful juices. Misery loves company but so does happiness and so does love. It’s up to you what happens next, it’s up to you what happens now. Even if the world is falling apart around you, you can be a bearer of light. It’s up to you. Everything is up to you.
Once you get to a certain point in your life, people start trying to tell you that magic isn’t real. These people are trying to quell your sense of wonder at the majesty of the world, and you mustn’t let them. Because magic happens all the time. Whenever you see something utterly beautiful in nature, and you take the time to notice it, it’s magic. When you recognize the love you have to give and the love you receive, it’s magic. Magic is in the look and touch and nearness of someone who matters to you. It’s magic even when something sad or terrible happens, because there is magic in the very fact that you care, and that you’re still here. Magic happens when you stand up for what matters. Magic happens when you don’t let anything ever beat you, no matter what. Magic happens when you are part of the force of love. It’s magic, no matter how dim the hope, how slim the chances, how great the cost. Magic happens every time you give, every time you love, and every time that you are strong. The magic only stops when you let it. The magic is in you and it is all around you. Because the magic is you.
The world is both light and dark, and darkness is half of everything. You must accept darkness, and yet choose to live in the light. Consciousness is the gift of that choice. Every day, and at every moment, you can make the world darker or brighter. You alone are responsible for that decision. Every day, and at every moment, you deserve either the credit or the blame, depending on what you do, the actions you take, and the choices you make. Darkness and light, at all times, at every point, you have the power to make a real difference, and the responsibility to make the right choice.
Taking Dolly and Mr. Unicorn for a stroll and stopping to smell the flowers along the way. Asha thinks to smell flowers you have to blow on them and then afterwards she makes an exaggeratedly loud “Aaaaaah” sound, much like you do when you take a deep drink of something extremely thirst-quenching after you’ve been thirsty for a while. Then she says, “Mommy too” or, “That was close” or, “Where’s my tail.” Asha’s missing tail is never far from the brain and indeed seems to lead the charge of her thoughts. That and rainbow ice cream. Everything that matters.
It really fucks me up to know you’re gone. You were family and not just a friend. I’m sorry we weren’t there to help you or save you in the end. Rest easy, Nej.
I cut the shit out of my finger this morning, spent 3 hours in Urgent Care and got 4 stitches. Now the finger in question is all useless and hurts like a motherfucker, I’m 2 finger typing, it’s uncomfortable, and it blows. Hello Wednesday!
Amazing new full length album from ill.Gates, the sixth and maybe the best. Dylan wrote and finished these songs while suffering through and surviving a rough couple of years, during which time he also taught himself how to master his own tracks and bring everything to the next level. The result is this wonderful release. Cover art by Siegmattel Visuals X oracular.io. Click the link to download, stream, listen or purchase. Please share and enjoy シ
Second part of the Digital Believer series.
Original work by Noir Chen
Digital Believers – Original Prototype – NO. 012. Contains original prototyping and derivatives. Original work by Noir Chen
Sundays used to be Family Photo Day but we rarely actually manage this. I like to have Dylan’s stripes done, but this takes a while, and it’s always hard to find the time to do it. Also Dylan really has limited free time in general, so it’s next to impossible to drag him out from the studio when he does, so we never actually have Family Photo Day as often as I’d like. Now we only manage it on special days, like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and my birthdays. Then when we do take the pictures, it’s always very chaotic, sometimes the weather is bad, and it’s difficult to get everyone looking good and happy and facing the camera with their eyes open. It’s next to impossible to have Asha, Feather and Daisy all looking proper and pleasant. Usually we just take what we can get and be done with it. It doesn’t really work out all that well, but every once in a while it works out beautifully. Regardless, I love our little family.
This bathing suit is the only other bathing suit Asha will wear after her baby shark swimsuit which is her favourite. When Asha first saw the mermaid bathing suit she was excited but immediately asked where was the tail. I guess on one of her shows Asha’s learned that mermaids have tails. She said, “Where’s my tail?” When I explained to her that it was just a swimsuit and that there was no tail, Asha cried. Then, in Hawaii, Asha wore her mermaid swimsuit with pride, assured as she was, for some reason, that she would find her mermaid tail at the beach or in the water. I’d say, “Off to the beach!” and Asha’d say, “Find my tail!” I didn’t have the heart to tell Asha that she probably wouldn’t find her tail there, but it was just nice to have her happy and not complaining and looking forward to something. Later, Asha still had her missing mermaid tail on the brain. She looked for it all around the place where we stayed and said, “No, not under bed!” and, “No, not under stool!” and “No, not under chair!” So precious and I was glad that Asha was happy searching for the tail instead of being upset to learn that it wasn’t there.
10/10. The perfect finish to Mother’s Day was going to see this film. We absolutely loved it and haven’t laughed that loudly or that much in ages. Even blinked back tears a few times too. Also fantastic to be in a theatre again, the last time was seven months ago, on my birthday. Amazing to have family members who are willing and able to watch Asha a bit so Dylan and I can go on a rare date. Literally everything about this movie is great. It’s in my top ten best films list and Dylan said he believes it’s his favourite film of all time, out of all the films we’ve ever seen. Obviously highly recommending, I’d go see it again in a heartbeat.
Mother’s Day is the best day of the year, change my mind! Happy Mother’s Day to all you beautiful mothers. You know who you are. Happy Mother’s Day to anyone who has done, is doing, or wants to do mothering of any kind. Thank you for your service.
Our trip to Hawaii was a work event for Dylan and a holiday for me and Asha so Dylan spent the entire time working his ass off while Asha and I hung around killing time watching The Circle and spending afternoons at the beach. Next time we must add a couple extra days to the trip so that we can actually spend time together at the end as a family. Dylan worked so hard we barely saw him and never got a family photo in. The only family pictures we got were on our way out at the airport in the Delta Airlines sky lounge VIP. Behold our silly selfies.
Hawaii was so much fun and it’s good to be back. The dogs lost their minds with excitement when we got in. Asha is still crazy jet lagged, these pictures show what state she was in as late as noon on Tuesday. I had to get her ready for school all while she was basically unconscious. She was probably fast asleep all afternoon at school, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn she spent the day slumped over in the corner or sprawled on the floor asleep. Asha sleeps as hard as she rages when she’s awake, which is to say deeply, seriously and a lot. On Wednesday the jet lag was worse, poor girl woke up, threw up, passed out again, threw up again, it wasn’t a great start. I thought about keeping Asha home from school but she had already missed so many days while we were away in Hawaii, we didn’t get back until late Monday evening, there are parent-teacher Zoom conference calls Thursday and Friday, so Asha only had two days of school this week and I didn’t want her to miss a whole second week. I asked Asha if she wanted to stay home and sleep or go to school and Asha said, “Go school.” And so we took her to school and I guess she spent the day sleeping. When I went to pick her up, Asha exited the building like a zombie, hand in hand with the teacher’s aid, looking glum and confused. I was concerned. The teacher’s aide said I should monitor her as she could barely stay awake. I said it was the jet lag. Guess I should have just kept the girl home after all. Can’t win them all. Yesterday at 1 PM we had our first parent-teacher Zoom call. I was dying to know what the teachers would say about Asha and I was not let down. They told us hilarious things Asha did in class and we had a good laugh. As expected, Asha pretty much ignores her classmates and hangs with the teachers all day. They are both Asian women so Asha says, “Mommy sister” and calls them both Auntie.
The first few days in Hawaii Asha kept wanting to go home. She said, “Go home” repeatedly and then cried when it didn’t happen. She even got all strapped into her stroller and sat in it for about an hour waiting for me to stroll her home. We flew the girl halfway across the world to somewhere new and beautiful and all she wanted was to be home. There is a pool and Asha doesn’t want to swim as the water’s too cold. Instead she likes to circle the pool crouching alongside it and “do laundry.” Doing laundry consists of taking the yellow fly swatter and flicking the water forward. There is a green fly swatter that Asha gives to me and says, “Mommy too.” And so I “do laundry” as well and flick water with Asha. Karina gave us water guns that work like syringes and Asha loves when I squirt the water far and high. There are plastic parts in different colours and shapes for making sculptures in the sand. Asha gathered them all up and said, “Go sandbox.” Asha calls the beach sandbox. We’re a ten minute walk from the ocean and using Google Maps I was able to figure out how to get us there. Asha was in heaven but appeared more thoughtful than exuberant. She was wary of the ocean, intimidated by its largeness and the size and strength of the waves. Eventually she took my hand and edged us closer and closer until we stood in the water about knee deep for her. The waves came crashing in, the bigger ones got Asha excited and she’d joyfully squeal whenever the waves crashed high and hard. The waves crashing in was Asha’s favourite part. Then we gazed at the ocean horizon in silence seated close together and afterward I tried and failed to make Asha a sandcastle. The next day the first thing Asha said was, “Go sandbox.” After our beach visits Asha says, “Bye bye waves, bye bye ocean, bye bye sandbox” when it’s time to leave. Yesterday Asha walked around with her Hello Kitty backpack on, strapped herself in the stroller and waited for me to take her to school. She said, “Go school,” cried when I didn’t take her and then, still strapped in the stroller, she fell asleep. Poor thing just wants to get back to normal life and isn’t at a point yet where she likes vacations.