Thoughts

A Way With Words

I’m always dismayed when people complain about someone using big words or “showing off how smart they are.” As if there’s something wrong with learning to express yourself eloquently, as if it’s better to be stupid for the rest of our lives, and forever talk like children. Christ, people, level up. Language is powerful and beautiful. It is our privilege to have it, and it is our duty to learn how to use it, to express ourselves clearly, honestly, memorably, genuinely and well. Language makes us who we are, and there are times when words are all we are. We must recognize this, respect it, and enjoy it, in order to recognize, respect and enjoy ourselves in our attempts to use words to creatively, effectively and meaningfully connect with each other.

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Vignette

There Can Be Only

I’m always running into a room with the announcement, “I BOW TO THE BAO” and Dylan always ignores me. So I say it again, sometimes thrice even. Finally Dylan says, “You notice how I never laughed the first 45 times you tried that joke?” And then I just bow deeply, to the bao, and I giggle. This ongoing gag is endless, and only one of us is laughing.

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Advice

The Only Way

The best leg up in this world is love and encouragement, with a parent’s love you can go far. If you have good parents, be thankful, don’t take that shit for granted. If you are a parent, be the best parent possible to your child, especially if your own parents sucked. Because the only way this world can ever be saved, and the only way this world can ever be worth saving, is if we all do better. Stop complaining about whatever nonsense and bullshit. Stop complaining, stop shifting responsibility to others, stop making excuses. Be better by doing better.

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Event

Death Drop

Ever since I became a lazy motherfucker (aka married) I no longer prance around in 6″ stilettos and do death drops on a pile of speakers. Instead I wear running shoes and dirty sweatpants for like five days straight. Dylan’s gone from irrelevantly reassuring me that I don’t need to spend three hours getting all dolled up or wriggle myself into insane outfits since I’m naturally already beautiful to sadly asking me to take a shower at least once across a calendar year. But cake can’t be both had and eaten. Bed made, now lie!

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Advice

There Will Come

There will be people in your life who will try their hardest to make you as ugly as they are and you must never let them. Sometimes these people might actually be your friends and family, but just because they are friends and family does not always automatically make them right. There will come a time when you must decide both who and what is right for yourself. Sometimes your best self and your best life can’t actually begin until after you’ve made that decision.

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Advice

Do Your Best

If you want to accomplish something special, original and truly new, you have to be relentlessly unapologetically determined. Be true to yourself, be true to your art, never take it for granted. You don’t have to conform, you can be as raw as you need to be and as raw as you want, but never change who you are. Remember that you can’t please everybody and you shouldn’t even want to. Treat everything like it’s your greatest opportunity. Stay focused. Keep going. Do your best and then do more. Quit fucking around.

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LOL

I Like it When

I like it when Dylan smokes weed because it makes him all sweet and shy. He ducks his head like a dog, acts a little bit guilty and tries to make himself smaller. He’s like a 10 year old boy who hasn’t misbehaved but is still worried to be accused of having done something wrong. Sometimes I act all stern just to fuck with him.

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Vignette

On The First Quiet Morning

I remember the first time Bassnectar called Dylan back when we still lived in Toronto and I descended into a loud fit of sneezing. I sneezed like seven times. The entire house shook and the bones in my chest reset. Afterward there was a pause. “What was that?” asked Lorin, afraid. “The thing about Nunich,” said Dylan, “is that she has very intense sneezes.” Many years later, Dylan took me to Laos for my birthday. Laos is my motherland, and it’s unknown if I had ever even been there, since I don’t know exactly where I was born, whether in Laos, Vietnam or Thailand. Anyway, on the first tranquil morning bright with sunshine when we landed in Vientiane, I looked around and breathed the air in. Laos is a very poor and undeveloped country with dirt lanes and dry river beds, skinny barefoot children selling trinkets, dulcet women in traditional garments gazing silently, old men smoking and looking on. Laotians are famous for being beautiful, friendly, polite and quiet. I spent my whole life somewhere else so I didn’t feel any immediate connection. I just looked around and was lost in thought. The day was bright and hot, the sun shone inscrutably down upon all. We saw a thin frail old woman making her ancient way slowly toward us. Suddenly she sneezed so deafeningly as to convulse the town. The noise was loud as thunder, a high magnitude earthquake couldn’t have been more disruptive. But no one batted an eye. Just another hot humid day in Laos. Dylan and I looked at each other. “It’s the sneeze!” I said. “The sneeze of my people!”

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Thoughts

42

I’m 42 years old and that’s okay, you don’t need to tell me how young I look or that I look good for my age. I am strong and fantastic and beautiful regardless of how old I am and regardless of what anyone has to say. It’s ridiculous that society makes older women feel they should be ashamed ​of their age. Fuck society and its stupid rules. If you’re one of those people that think older women are undesirable and that only young women matter then you’re part of the problem so fuck you too.

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Vignette

The Friendly Stranger

I told Dylan that overnight my arm got all crooked rammed beneath my head and pillow, lost proper blood circulation, and went horribly to sleep. “Yuck,” I said, “I hate that. It feels really awful, like when I bonk my funny bone. I flung my arm away like it belonged to someone else but the arm could just be flung only so far. It felt really fucking weird.” “You know what I do when that happens,” said Dylan, and he made a loose encircling gesture with his hand that I was soon to learn was fairly masturbatory. “It’s called ‘The Friendly Stranger,’” said Dylan defensively when he caught my expression. “I’m surprised you didn’t know that,” he added. I gazed silently at Dylan and only God can know all the resignation that my silent gaze contained. The friendly stranger. Shit. What planet is this.

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Conversation

Let Go

letgo and Facebook Marketplace are the fucking business. It’s such a rush finding incredible items for an incredible price. I’m basically high from today’s successes. It’s only been a day but I’m already in love with LA. I don’t know why but getting good deals make me delirious. Dylan says it’s because I’m Asian.

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Vignette

At Least You Made

Dylan caught me gazing interestedly at something and smiling. “What,” he said. “There’s a list I made,” I said. “It’s called ‘Things I Love.’”

THINGS I LOVE
Coconut Oil
Cilantro
Spinach
Mangos
Sticky Rice
Coconut Rice
Peanut Sauce
Hot Sauce
BBQ Grill
Russian Lit
Ketamine
Running
Justice
Japan
Knives
Wolves
Foxes
Dogs
Dylan

“I’m last,” Dylan said sadly. “At least you made the cut,” I energetically countered. Privately I was embarrassed that most of the mentioned loved items had exclusively to do with food. I felt particular dismay at “Coconut Oil” landing squarely in first place. Not to knock coconut oil though, clearly I love that shit. Must’ve been hungry when I saw fit to make the list.

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Music

Not Madness


“When love is not madness, it is not love.”
PEDRO CALDERON DE LA BARCA

TRACKS
CASCADA Night Nurse (Acapella)
BIL BLESS Walked Outta Hell
KENDRICK LAMAR FEAT. ZACARI LOVE.
LOGIC FEAT. BIG SEAN Alright
RICH HOMIE QUAN Type of Way
LOGIC FEAT. BLACK THOUGHT, CHUCK D, BIG LENBO & NO ID America
KR$CHN Forever, She Said
MODIGS Heart of the Brave
CHOPSTICK DUBPLATE FEAT. BARRY BROWN Far East
CHOPSTICK DUBPLATE FEAT. CHESHIRE CAT Bounty Hunter (Rahmanee Remix)
DISCLOSURE & RYAN HEMSWORTH F For U (Huglife Edit)
BURIAL Indoors
LUSINE By This Sound
ASA You Don’t Have To Be Sorry
JOHN WICK OST Led Spirals

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Advice

How Brightly You Shine

The goal is not to be loved and accepted by everyone. The goal is to continually become someone you yourself would admire and respect. Be the person you want to know and meet. Work every day to earn the love and appreciation first from yourself and second from those you enjoy and genuinely care about. Your worth and importance is your prerogative. You determine how beautiful you are. How brightly you shine is up to you.

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Thoughts

A Separation

After decades of doing laundry, I’m actually only now finally separating my whites from my coloured clothes and washing two separate loads. The coloured clothes come out much brighter and the whites come out much whiter, which makes obvious sense, it’s ridiculous that it took me this long to do the job right. Goes to show that even though I’m awesome, I’m also stubborn, lazy and a slow learner. I resisted all this time because I am so “punk rock” and I insist on doing things my way. Also I don’t like other people telling me what to do, even when their advice makes sense, or is just flat out right, especially in the face of my obvious wrongness. So now I concede it’s true, you should separate your coloureds from your whites. I don’t mind admitting I was wrong this time, because these new laundry results are delightful.

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Conversation

Half Past Midnight

My 2016 resolution was “no more blowjobs” but by half past midnight I had a cock in my mouth. That’s probably the funniest headline I’ve seen perhaps ever. I actually love it. It’s important to be a good host but it’s also important to be a good guest. It’s a two-way street. It takes two to tangle but it also takes two to get along. Lastly, I’m going to start calling people hoser. I’m gonna bring hoser back.

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