I’ll love you forever I’ll love you for always as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be. Asha is five weeks old today.
Yesterday I carried Asha and walked the dogs by myself for the first time. I also gave Asha a bath on my own, these are some real milestones. Next thing you know I’ll learn how to drive and while indoors I’ll be able to tell which way north is. Maybe I’ll even learn how to whistle, snap my fingers and roll my motherfucking r’s. Woah there nelly.
At the height of my pregnancy I weighed 139lbs and now just over two weeks postpartum I weigh 111lbs. My normal weight is about 105lbs. I’m not supposed to physically exert or do any high impact exercise until six weeks after my c-section and I’m still eating as much as I did when I was pregnant so all this rapid weight loss has happened naturally, mostly because I am exclusively breastfeeding. I was told one of the many benefits of breastfeeding is returning to your pre-pregnancy shape more quickly and they’re right. I look and feel great and so does my baby. I basically already have my figure back but with the added bonus that my breasts are fuller and larger. They are also functioning exactly as nature intended in order to perfectly nourish my child. They say breast is best and it’s true. This isn’t just a cliché, it’s a fact and it’s beautiful. Just FYI to anyone else out there on a similar journey.
Love makes my heart beat deeper
We cling to memories as if they define us, but they don’t. It’s what we do now that defines us.
RUNTOWN Mad over You
IDALY Wine Slow
KILL THEM WITH COLOUR Get High (VIP Mix)
RUSKO Mr. Policeman
XXYYXX Good Enough
TWIN SHADOW Broken Horses (Santo Domingo Edit)
POPCAAN Lef My Gun
FEED ME FEAT. ROSIE DOONAN Feel Love
BAAUER FEAT. SOLEIMA Company
JACKY MURDA, RCOLA, GENERAL PECEOS Got the Lovin
BENNY PAGE, SWEETIE IRIE, CONGO NATTY Power
POPULOUS FEAT. NINA MIRANDA Cru
MØ Blur (Felix Cartal Remix)
GOLDFISH Moonwalk Away
KANYE WEST, KID CUDI, PUSHA T Feel The Love (Kids See Ghosts)
I thought breastfeeding would be hard and weird or that I would be too self-conscious and embarrassed to really do it. I thought I would give it a go, find it annoying and difficult, say fuck this and head straight to feeding my baby formula. I didn’t expect to actually enjoy breastfeeding or to discover that I’d be good at it. Also Asha is good at latching so we began breastfeeding successfully together unusually fast. Everyone was surprised and impressed by our teamwork, I am breastfeeding all the time and it touches my heart to see how much good it’s doing Asha, how healthy and happy it makes her, how much she’s stoked. I rarely put on make up, I barely comb my hair, I saunter around the house topless in my underwear ready for the next breastfeeding session. I’ve become this focused feral woman intent on feeding my child continuously and naturally, I find it incomparably satisfying. The skin to skin contact during each breastfeeding session is incredibly rejuvenating and beautiful, there’s no nicer or better feeling, it’s a mother and child bond I wouldn’t trade for the world. I’m exhausted, I’m barely awake, the house is a study in chaos, I am still recovering from the surgery and from birth, it hurts to bend and laugh and move, but I’ve never been happier. I am wholly embracing the wonder, challenge and joy of being a mother and I am so completely in love with my baby girl.
Presenting Asha Sofía Atari Lane, born during the spring equinox beneath a full moon sky. Asha means hope or desire in Sanskrit and beautiful life in Swahili. Sofía means wisdom or skill. Atari means hit, success, reaching the mark, uttering Atari signifies the time in which a goal is won. What a wonderful day, perhaps the most wonderful day ever recorded. I’ve never cried so much from amazement, gratitude and love.
We go out for Korean BBQ so often my baby’s going to be part Korean. While she’s in utero all the food’s going to fuse with her DNA. If Maury Povich did a paternity test he’d probably find that Korean BBQ was just as much the father as Dylan is. If Maury said, “And the father is… Korean BBQ” I don’t think anyone would bat eyes. Maybe we can sue Korean BBQ for child support.