Music

The One You Love

You always hurt the one you love/ The one you shouldn’t hurt at all/ You always take the sweetest rose/ And crush it till the petals fall/ You always break the kindest heart/ With a hasty word you can’t recall/ So if I broke your heart last night/ It’s because I love you most of all

TRACKS
THE MILLS BROTHERS You Always Hurt The One You Love
MADE IN HEIGHTS Murakami
KING KRULE Easy Easy
BLUE HAWAII Sierra Lift
SWEATER BEATS Feel Me (Falcons Remix)
XXYYXX Northern Lights
NICOLAS JAAR I Got A Woman
REGINA SPEKTOR Fidelity (Morgan Page Remix)
THE CLASH Straight To Hell (Moby feat. Heather Nova Rework)
GRIMES Human Once Again (Four Tet Remix)
ELECTRIC MANTIS Flips And Flops Drips And Drops
RIHANNA Stay (Branchez Bootleg)
COLLIE BUDDZ Young Girl
CHAKA DEMUS & PLIERS Tease Me
CHOPSTICK DUBPLATE FEAT. MR. WILLIAMZ Wanted
BEARSON Pink Medicine
SAM COOKE I’ll Come Running Back To You
ILL.GATES FEAT. THE CLASS OF 808 Is You Is
BANX+RANX FEAT. KONSHENS Anyweh
MITCH BRADY FEAT. LIONSOUND Eclectic Endeavour
SPIDERHOUND Drift
BAAUER & RL GRIME Infinite Daps
YAN ZOMBIE I Don’t Wanna Be Numb Anymore
AVALANCHE CITY Don’t Fall Asleep

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Advice

Two Emotions

Men have two emotions: “Hungry” and “Horny.” If you catch him without an erection, he’s looking for lunch. Show up naked at his place with some bacon in your left hand and a beer in your right. You’ll instantly become the perfect girlfriend, mistress, or wife.

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Conversation

Cut

Dylan walked in on me one day looking with interest at something and chuckling. “What,” he said. “There’s a list I made,” I said, “in this here notebook. It’s called Things I Love.

THINGS I LOVE
Sesame Oil
Coconut Oil
Mangoes
Cilantro
Spinach
Sticky Rice
Coconut Rice
Peanut Sauce
Hot Sauce
Hamachi Kama
Russian Literature
Ketamine
Justice
Japan
Wolves
Foxes
Dogs
Dylan

“I’m last,” Dylan said sadly.
“At least you made the cut,” I energetically replied.
Privately I was embarrassed that greater than half and all of the first mentioned loved items had exclusively to do with food. I felt particular dismay at “Sesame Oil” landing squarely in first place. Not to knock sesame oil though, clearly I love that shit.

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Quote

The Artist

“The artist appeals to our capacity for delight and wonder, to the sense of mystery surrounding our lives, to our sense of pity, and beauty, and pain, to the subtle invincible conviction of solidarity that joins together the loneliness of innumerable hearts, a solidarity in dreams, in joy, in sorrow, in aspirations, in illusions, in hope, in fear. Art binds us to each other, it binds together all humanity, the dead to the living, and the living to those that impend.​”

JOSEPH CONRAD​

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Vignette

Checkmate

During the conversation, I mentioned that even after 11 years, people often aren’t aware that Dylan and I are together. We’re not at all into torrid displays of public affection, and there’s also the fact that I called Dylan my roommate for years. Sometimes I still call him my roommate. Initially I wouldn’t even let Dylan tell his mother that we were any kind of anything, so the first time I met Dylan’s family, his mom set me all up in the guest room separated from everybody. Upon retiring, I paid the price for my primness, and I was lonely. Dylan had to sneak over to my room after dark and later he said, “Can I at least tell my mom?” “I guess,” I said. When Dylan dropped the news, “That’s nice dear,” was what his mother said. Scarlett made a huffy sound. “That’s what you do, Nathan,” Scarlett said, “You hide your wife.” “No I don’t,” Nathan said. “Yes, you do,” Scarlett insisted. “When you’re on the road, you don’t let people know you’re married. You don’t think of me. You put your music first.” Nathan narrowed his eyes and puffed his cheeks a bit. He sat there stiffly deep in thought. “Yes,” he suddenly said, “That’s right. Music first!” “You asshole! You’re not supposed to say that!” Scarlett exploded, adding, “There goes your blowjob for tonight.” A fleeting agitation flashed across Nathan’s face, but he kept his gaze level and straight. He was defeated but defiant. “He’s just talking about what he most likes to beat,” Dylan said. Nathan’s a drummer so Dylan was angling rather lamely for wit. “Well he can have fun beating his dick,” Scarlett said. I covered my mouth to hide a desire to laugh and cleared my throat instead. Dylan and I glanced at each other. I winked and he grinned.

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Story

Hunger

Food.

My relationship to food has always been a little fucked. As a tiny orphaned refugee kid, all the kind members of the congregation from the church who raised me spoiled me with so much chocolate and candy my baby teeth went black as death and fell out pretty much all at once. Then for a time I had two whole sets of messed up adult teeth, because nature was working hard to fill all those gaps and gave me twice the grill a human needs. Many complicated corrective procedures at a series of dentists was for years from that point necessary.

During elementary school, my parents at the time forced soft bruised apples, tiny boxes of raisins, and day-old brown bread salami sandwiches upon me. I stashed all these uninspired brown paper bag lunches in the wooden chest at the foot of my bed until the signature smell of rotting food and an eventual cloud of flies gave me clear away. I coveted my school friends’ lunches of soft fresh white Wonder bread peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwiches, chocolate bars, fruit roll ups, and rejected the lifeless day-old shit I was given instead. Lectured and punished, I nursed a child’s rage against my parents and felt depression about food and all life.

Kids, right.

Continue reading

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Music

I Got What You Need

It’s not so much who you love, what matters is that you love. Every day and in every way, make an effort to love. Be more lovable and more loving. Remember that all the darkness in the world can’t put out the light of a single candle. Spread your light and spread your love. This is how every one of us can help to heal our world.

TRACKS
Cascada Night Nurse (Acapella)
Ext Output
Nadia Rose Skwod
Tech N9ne feat. Big Scoob & Krizz Kaliko Dysfunctional
Sia feat. Sean Paul Cheap Thrills
Major Lazer feat. Nyla & Fuse ODG Light It Up (Remix)
Djemba Djemba Stahp
Rae Sremmurd feat. Gucci Mane Black Beatles
ProJect Aspect & Kruza Kid Thank The Music
Fort Minor feat. Styles Of Beyond Remember The Name
Space Jesus feat. Clay Parnell & Rory Sweet Boy Dolan Hmu
Pixies Where Is My Mind (MT Eden Remix)
Major Lazer & DJ Snake feat. MØ Lean On (CRNKN Remix)
What So Not feat. KLP Death Drive
Sak Noel feat. Sean Paul Trumpets
Sam Binga & Redders LEF DEM
Dubmatix & Yellam Let The Good Time Roll
J Forever feat. Farruko Hasta Que Se Seque El Malecon (Remix)
Big Wild Aftergold
Lane 8 feat. BPS I Got What You Need (Every Night)
Final Song

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Advice

Acceptance

You can’t wait around expecting some kind of perfect payoff, where all the loose threads are neatly tied. Remember you are as blind and crazy as everyone else. Do not obsess over your mistakes. You can’t fix everything. Some bad choices you just have to accept. Try and rebuild as best as you can. Accept things for what they are. Say you’re sorry, make amends and move on.

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Vignette

After the quake

Shortly after we moved to San Francisco, Dylan gave several solemn lectures warning me about earthquakes and how I must act whenever they might happen. He went out of his way to be melodramatic in his speech in order to underscore the urgency. The first time a little tremor occurred, I heard a whole bunch of rapidfire scuffling and struggling, which was more dramatic than the actual earthquake. Then Dylan streaked past shouting, “Run, Nunich, Run!” I didn’t run and instead gazed with vague fascination at all the trinkets and things lightly quivering for some seconds on the room’s walls and shelves. Then I went to the door and saw Dylan standing in the middle of the yard in his underwear. He was clutching a pile of hard drives and a modular synth. I shook my head at him and covered my mouth to cut short a laugh. Dude sure can hustle, no matter how simple or serious the seeming situation, and judging by those hard drives and the modular synth, we get of his priorities quite a good inside glimpse.

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True Love

Relish

I sat on ​my nice new glasses and pretty much irreversibly destroyed them. The lenses are scratched and chipped and the arms are all bent wildly askew. Then, being blind and rampaging the streets of an unfamiliar city, I fucked up hard trying to get home alone and got pretty profoundly lost. I ultimately figured shit out and returned hectic and hyperventilating. Dylan gazed at me gravely while I described my misadventure with melodramatic gestures and overemotional words. When I was done, Dylan said, “Christ. What would you do without me?” “Roll around naked in a ditch,” I replied, “until I starved and died.” “Hm,” said Dylan. “So would you though,” I added. Dylan seemed about fit to refute the remark, but then intelligently desisted. “I love everything about you,” he said instead, which were of course exactly the only correct words. Because long term relationships take work. The point is to relish the work. And when you relish the work, you’ll relish each other, and the love will burn true and continue.

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Vignette

The Dangers of Doing

Dylan emerged from his tent one fine festival morning feeling plucky and fearless. “YOU,” shouted Ariel from across the way. Dylan gazed clear of eyes and light of spirit boldly in Ariel’s direction. “You don’t even remember, do you,” said Ariel. “You don’t remember a goddamn thing.” Dylan blinked with some confusion. He waited handsome in demeanour and elegant in carriage for an elaboration. Ariel’s outburst was so passionate, even bellicose, that Dylan felt slightly concerned. Ariel, jabbing her pointer finger vehemently, fast approached. “You don’t remember a thing,” she said again. “Hm,” said Dylan.

Then came the story.

Apparently the evening previous, Stella was arranging a party platter chock full of Molly and K. Just as she was about to distribute the goods, somebody launched pretty much a full open bottle of Tequila all over the tray. “Fuck,” said Stella, “there goes that.” And there was much grimacing.

“Any takers?” asked Stella. “SURE,” said Dylan.
And that was his last clear memory.

What happened from that point forth was told to Dylan in ghoulish detail, as though he were little more than a passive bystander, which, in a way, he was, although he did not simply stand by. When all was “said and done” post soppy goo Molly K Tequila plate, Dylan felt his night was complete. He sauntered homeward, spooned the Mrs. in his matrimonial bed and went splendidly to sleep. But what Dylan actually did was head off to Ariel’s trailer and missed wide his own tent and bed entirely.

Ariel is a longstanding friend, so there was no problem with suddenly showing up at her place. Except that she was naked in bed sharing carnal knowledge with some young man. Then Dylan out of nowhere appeared, crawled into Ariel’s bed and spooned her comfily while she was naked and in the middle of having sex. “What the fuck are you doing?” asked Ariel. Dylan mumbled, “It’s good, it’s good,” adding, “It’s fine, it’s okay, it’s good” a couple times. “Whatever, dude,” said Ariel finally through the layers of tumult and befuddling. Ariel eventually accurately surmised the influence of K onto all matters. The guy she was fucking though didn’t know what in the Sam hell was happening. In his mind, Dylan was Ariel’s boyfriend come home, so he was the odd man out, the poor dude apparently spent the next 45 minutes attempting to unobtrusively extricate himself and quietly escape the scene.

Dylan from his end started snoring pretty much immediately while poor Ariel lay there naked, interrupted, spooned and confused. Eventually Ariel roused Dylan and set about to lugging the idiot off to his actual tent and bed. Dylan the whole while was none the wiser, until next day when Ariel told him all the lurid details, jabbing her pointer finger vehemently. You might think this all is some kind of cautionary tale about the dangers of doing K, when actually I just think this story’s really fucking funny.

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