Spent my first birthday on Monday with my favourite person. We enjoyed a nice glass of nonalcoholic red wine and it was delicious. So was our meal at Au Lac which might be the most wonderful vegan restaurant in the world. Excited to see what my second birthday on Friday holds.
Okay so I’m throwing a big special 13th anniversary 3rd wedding housewarming birthday party rave! Here’s my Amazon wish list in case y’all wanted to buy us gifts シ My birthday’s not until October 12 and the party’s on October 13 but some of the listed items are from China so I want to leave sufficient time for shipping. This actually might be the greatest wish list ever created, I had a lot of fun making it. In fact I forced Dylan to look at it often while I made high pitched sounds and behaved excitedly. “Only you,” said Dylan. But take a look, because it’s just a sensational collection of items. If you know anyone who is even remotely like me, they’d be stoked to receive anything from this list.
If it’s true that dealing with many sudden and intense episodes of morning sickness , vomiting and nausea in the first trimester is a sign of a healthier more intelligent child , than this baby is going to be an athlete and a genius. I’m kind of thinking though that they tell women these things to make all the suffering easier. If it’s true though than yeah, I’ll fucking suffer. It’s just annoying that all the things I usually do or take to deal with feeling shitty are off the table so I’m up “shit creek” so to speak and all I can do is complain. For all of you who don’t enjoy a complaining woman shut the fuck up and let a lady air her grievances. If all she’s “allowed” to do is bitch about shit in order to feel better, than let her, don’t take that away from her too. Just listen, tell her you’re sorry she feels badly, and tell her she’s beautiful, even if it isn’t true. Because as somebody once said, all women need to keep living are water, food and compliments. Thankfully these bouts of feeling shitty are brief. I just scooped both dogs up in my arms, held them tight, danced with them, sang them a song, felt joyful and buoyant. Looks like I’m in for a fucking real rollercoaster of a ride, and so especially is Dylan.
At my 13th anniversary 3rd wedding weekend housewarming birthday rave, RuPaul will officiate, William will give me away and Bassnectar will dj. Gala and Anastazia will stand in for our parents, YO-LANDI will be Maid of Honour, Aquaria, Hungry, Kim Chi, Valentina and Violet Chachki will be bridesmaids. Devon will be Best Man alongside Dov, Chris, Chris, Stephan and Robb G. Feather will be the Ring Bearer and the Flower Girl will be Daisy. Dylan will wear a white suit by Rick Owens and I will wear a black gown by Gia Gelareh. Dinner will be by Morimoto. There will be dancers, twerkers, strippers, hoopers, silk workers and ballet. Illusionists will perform magical tricks and special friends will make special speeches so we can hear nice things said about us all evening. Musical guests will be ill.Gates, NIGHT NURSE, What So Not, Sean Paul, Dillon Francis, Skrillex, Congo Natty, Chopstick Dubplate, Dubconscious, Aphex Twin, Die Antwoord, Mr. Carmack, Diplo and MØ, and all the drag queens will put on a sensational show. This will be one for the books. Maybe not all my dreams will come true but at least no one can fault me for thinking too small or being boring. The world inside my head is exciting and beautiful, I don’t know if you noticed. I think the best way to destroy reality is to dream the drabness away. Imagination is the mother of invention and I’ve got dreams for days.
NIGHT NURSE is opening for ill.Gates on Wednesday June 13 2018 in Lexington, Kentucky. For those of you who don’t know, Dylan is ill.Gates and I am NIGHT NURSE. I’m going to play tracks that embody my signature vaginastep sound, romantic, experimental, memorable, and end with a couple bangers. Y’all should check it, it’s gonna be beautiful.
Daisy and Feather with daddy in the new studio.
Ever since I became a lazy motherfucker (aka married) I no longer prance around in 6″ stilettos and do death drops on a pile of speakers. Instead I wear running shoes and dirty sweatpants for like five days straight. Dylan’s gone from irrelevantly reassuring me that I don’t need to spend three hours getting all dolled up or wriggle myself into insane outfits since I’m naturally already beautiful to sadly asking me to take a shower at least once across a calendar year. But cake can’t be both had and eaten. Bed made, now lie!
Lightning in a Bottle was fantastic.
Kaytranada, Machinedrum, Bassnectar, Troyboi, Stephan Jacobs vs ill.Gates were the standouts. Ivy Lab was very outside the box, extremely left field and challenging, I described them in the moment as difficult and awesome. Big Wild was my favourite, he made me tremendously happy, his set was basically perfect. The only flaw with it all was that it was over too soon. Fastest fucking week of our lives. Some of the scheduling was tough with acts on at times that were impossible for us so sadly we missed KMLN, Filastine, Naughty Princess, El Papa Chango and Headphone Activist.
Also the late night offerings were confusingly poor. We trudged around helplessly for hours trying unsuccessfully to find a decent afterparty to take us to dawn while everything descended inexorably into house music. The house music was omnipresent and inescapable. At one point we traveled clear across festival grounds to escape bad house music only to be confronted with more bad house music. The inescapability approached comical if it all wasn’t so actually awful.
But this isn’t meant to be some kind of diatribe against house music, it’s a diatribe against bad music. If it’s repetitive, forgettable, lifeless and boring, I’m not going to like it, I don’t care what genre of music it is. I’m starting to realize something I’ve known all along: what all these festivals is missing is me. Next time ill.Gates and NIGHT NURSE gotta go rogue. Ideally we should play the final hours and close out the show. All’s well that ends well. End on a high note.
We met a handsome hippie hipster and shared our wine with him, exchanging jokes and quips in the dark until the warm brightness of morning. Our new friend was one of Dylan’s fans and spoke knowledgeably about Dylan’s Billie Holiday song. He then talked fondly of his mother who was a nurse, I said it’d be fucking rad to have a goddamn mother who was a fucking nurse. “It’s awesome,” our new friend said. “She is amazing, really good, hardworking, loving, and with a smile that could melt an iceberg.” “Well we know now who to blame for global warming,” I said. “Wipe that smile off your face, woman. Snow, damn it, we need snow!”
I’ve written another book! It’s a carefully compiled short stories collection concerning the topic of what it’s like to be a wife in general and what specifically it’s like being married to Dylan. Help me publish and promote my work by becoming my patron. You can pledge as little as $1/month and you can change or cancel your subscription at any time. Thanks! I love you guys.
Thanks to everyone that made my first birthday so super awesome. It was honestly one of the best nights I’ve had and registers as one of my favourite birthdays. For anyone who’s got it in them for a round 2, Dylan and I are djing a one hour birthday set from 7:30-8:30PM at the False Profit Equity Party. Immediately after that we’ll attend the Machinedrum show at Independent. Join us! Yay it’s my birthday again!
“It is good to love many things, for therein lies true strength. Whoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done.”
VINCENT VAN GOGH
I have a longstanding sympathy and such a deep sadness for Palestine, I was anxious about coming to Israel, I never imagined myself here. Our Israeli friends are beautiful people, they are artistic, hospitable, political, and aware, and everyone we have met has been wonderful, welcoming, and kind. Things so far have been fun and good, the food’s amazing, the fashion is unique, the people are great, it’s special to be here.
Literally everyone has dogs, there’s dogs everywhere, happy furry wiggling wagging adorable creatures of every shape, size, and kind, just bursting my heart with how wonderful they are, I’m spending a lot of time smiling at, exclaiming over, cooing, petting, and adoring them all, it’s fantastic. Dogs man, I feel such an immediacy of love for every one of these excellent beings.
We’ve been incredibly jetlagged still, getting up at 6:00pm in the evening, staying up all night, and going to bed as late as noon the following day. This topsy-turviness is working in our favour though, because these are Reshef’s normal hours, so staying with him has not disrupted his life in the least. Also this is very much an extremely late night crowd, on my first birthday, we didn’t leave to go out till after 4 in the morning, every club we entered was full and packed all night, we didn’t get home till 9am. It’s also so hot and muggy in the days and much more moderate, balmy and beautiful overnight, we might just work with the jetlag instead of attempting to fight or reverse it.
We’ve already watched nearly every movie on the external drive, we spend the nights spooning, giggling, and watching films. We watched every episode of The Jinx nearly all in a row, Dylan had never seen it, I rewatched it with him with interest, it’s such a fucked and fascinating story, and what an ending. It could not have ended more explosively or dramatically. During that final interview, the director must’ve been as blindsided and thankful as he was shuddering in secretly total fear. Then we watched The Past, which is such wonderful work from Asghar Farhadi, Farhadi is a fine director, and A Separation and The Past are both fine films.
Dylan had a very bad day today, his wheat and gluten allergy and laundry list of additional limitations makes it very difficult to explain things clearly to foreign waiters at international restaurants, and just overall it’s difficult for him to get to properly eat. When a mistake is made, he wakes up with large red itchy welts and splotches all over his body, his skin becomes an angry canvas of visible discomfort and distress. People without allergies often think that people with allergies are spoiled brats, annoying crybabies who see themselves as needing special treatment. This judgment, impatience, irritation, and open dismissal makes having allergies all the more aggravating, because not only do you have to bore people with details about your allergic life at restaurants and at meals, you also have to convince others that your allergies are serious and real. Often too, what you’re left with actually being able to eat is limited, minimal, and stripped of whatever made the dish taste good. Eating becomes a bland experience and a difficult hassle, which is sad.
Dylan’s been tense and anxious and stressed out, this is a strange reversal, because these are all words and conditions that more continuously normally describe me. He’s been worried about money, our home situation is tentative, certain friends have disappointed him and let him down, business partners have variously failed him and have had to be let go. All this with the angry itchy red welts and splotches all over his skin, concerns about other things like work visa renewals, travel and flight costs, and then Dylan complained about some kind of internally cutting pain, said when he went to pee, it felt like he was pissing acid. Motherfucker’s falling apart right before my goddamned eyes.
“Jesus, darling,” I remarked, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Dylan made vague attempts to turn down his depression, and forced a flimsy smile. “We’re on vacation,” I said, “We’re supposed to be having fun, kicking back, and relaxing. Plus it’s my birthday, so you’re extra supposed to be glad.” On my birthdays, Dylan feels pressure to enact much sunshine and roses, but sometimes he needs to be retold. My birthdays are the only days of the year when I get to dress Dylan all up in beautiful elaborate details involving wigs and dramatic false eyelashes, Dylan does me the honour of acting like he adores it. I make him birthday gorgeous, and we go skipping hand in hand down darkening streets, deep into the rapture of evening.
We went tonight to an exceptional vegan gluten-free organic restaurant, it was one of the best vegan dinners we’ve ever had, and the perfect place to enjoy a birthday meal. They let everyone bring in their wonderful dogs too, so I got to pet, coo, snuggle, play with, and smile at every kind of happy eager wagging tail jump up kissing lick magnificent darling dog present, Dylan and I both were giddy and glad. There’s beautiful regal stray cats proudly strolling and parading everywhere as well, but as I am severely allergic, I don’t cozy up with the felines.
Currently Dylan’s teaching an evening Ableton and music writing workshop in a packed large dark and cool club, which is pretty awesome, considering the fact that it’s Monday and midnight. The crowd is mostly attentive intelligent Jewish males, I am one of a handful of girls. Dylan began the lecture with thanking everyone for coming, and thanking his wonderful wife for letting him teach a workshop on her birthday. He gave me a rapid sideways kiss, everyone cheered and clapped, I grinned.
“Smile every once in a while,” I said to Dylan in a low voice, “Because sometimes when you talk, you seem stiff and impatient and too serious, you don’t seem stoked or glad.” “Yes,” said Dylan. “And don’t speak too quickly,” I said, “Because English is not the first language of people here.” “Yes,” said Dylan. “And I love you. Break all of the legs,” I said. “Yes,” said Dylan. My wifely duties thusly done, I winked with discreet and glorious meaning. What would Dylan do without me, I am in charge of so much of the fine print, I don’t just cut the man’s hair. Happy birthday to me! All my love from Tel Aviv.
We leave soon on a three month honeymoon! We’re traveling to Israel, Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia, Canada and Costa Rica, with a possible stop in Sri Lanka where we’ll join a team to help build a house for the poor, and afterward we’ll throw a party. ill.Gates has been invited to dj and inaugurate the space. Should be awesome. Should still file a complaint with the boss though, because three months and seven countries is obviously not sufficiently exciting. I’m a wife, I know my rights. In Australia, I’ll be djing a few shows too, who knows, maybe I can get ill.Gates to open for me. Word is he’s a pretty nice guy and is also an adequately decent dj. I’m hopeful, and I believe it’s a good fit, but we’ll have to see what management thinks.