I like it when Dylan smokes weed because it makes him all sweet and shy. He ducks his head like a dog, acts a little bit guilty and tries to make himself smaller. He’s like a 10 year old boy who hasn’t misbehaved but is still worried to be accused of having done something wrong. Sometimes I act all stern just to fuck with him.
“Remember, everybody, being a chef is not about making food. It’s about distributing punishments and rewards based on the behaviour of the customer, thank you.”
What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender says, for you? No charge. Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines. What’s the difference between God and a DJ? At least God knows he’s not a DJ.
How to deal with haters.
Bo Burnham is a comedy genius.