I bought a hairbrush through Amazon and when I got the box there was a note included which said, “Dear Valued Customer: First, I would like to say thank you so much for purchasing our product. We are a small family-owned business operating here in Canada. We have just launched this product and it has very few reviews. It would be greatly appreciated if you could take the time to offer us a review of your recent purchase. One of the hardest parts of being a small family-owned Canadian Business on Amazon is getting those first sales, as nobody takes the time to leaves us reviews, however, if you could be part of the 1% of people that do leave a review, we would be INCREDIBLY grateful and it would mean the world to us. Thank you.” My word, but what an earnest and politely expressed request. I couldn’t very well ignore it. So even though I am like 99% of the other people who shop through Amazon and don’t leave reviews, this time I endeavoured to be a part of the 1% that do. I said, “This is one fine motherfucking hairbrush. It’s pretty much exactly what I wanted. It’s just the right size, shape and weight. It’s attractive, constructed of good materials, the bristles are just the right length, and they’re just the right amount of soft and firm. This might be the perfect hairbrush. I’m pleased with my purchase. What’s more, I’m pleased to be able to give my support to a small family-owned Canadian business, both by making this purchase, and then taking the time to hammer out this positive review. Time well spent, and brush well bought.” So there you go, my little good deed for the day, and I am proof positive too that, for the most part, goddamn, but Canadians sure are nice.
I remember when one of my girlfriends first told me about Magic Eraser, her eyes went big and wide, she dragged me by the hand and said, “You’re going to love it” and I did. In fact it’s my favourite cleaning product, Magic Erasers changed my fucking life. They’re amazing and are in fact magic. It’s fucking crazy how quickly and completely they clean everything. It got me thinking, “I can’t be the only bitch that’s in love with this shit” and so I landed upon a Facebook Mr. Clean group where I discovered other like-minded ladies all up in a swoon over Magic Erasers too. Actually most of the women in the group were swooning for Mr. Clean himself. So much so that they wrote him countless flirtatious comments and incredibly suggestive remarks. These messages run the gamut from innocent simple gratitude to outright salaciousness. Like “You can come clean my house anytime” and “My stove’s not the only thing that needs scrubbing.” This is how pathetic and adorable women are. Unable to find Mr. Right in real life, they’ve taken to flirting with a made up man. A strong handsome tall friendly white man who loves to clean. Granted he’s bald yes but it’s deliberate baldness and thus still sexy it would seem. And whoever maintains the Mr. Clean Facebook page takes the time to gallantly respond to everyone. Like “Glad I could be of assistance, Karen” and “Linda, you know I’m always happy to help.” I was pretty floored. I had no idea. Hilarious as all this is, it’s a little bit sad and a little bit touching. Because this is how pathetic and adorable women can be. All they want is a strong handsome tall friendly white man who loves to clean.