“Apple can suck a bag of dicks.” Someone drunk and moderately famous said that once, right before he face planted spread eagle exuberant upon asphalt outside a sushi restaurant before startled passersby one particularly undomesticated evening. Tomorrow I fly away to be joyously reunited with certain exceptional humans. This group includes the face planter, I may or may not be married to him, and I look forward to saying, “My, my, Chicago, but you are windy,” as I deplane.