Now I Know

I asked Jason how his night was and he said, “Well, I found out I’m not gay!” I paused in whatever I was doing and said, “I’m gonna need you to elaborate.” Jason said, “Well, I was at what I guess was a gay club and I was playing this skeet shooting game with a hot girl and her two guy friends. She kept putting quarters in and we kept playing and playing and it was really fun. Then I went to the bathroom and her guy friend came in and said he wanted to give me a blowjob.“ I said, “If the guy wanted dick, you should have given him dick. Who are you to deny the man a cock.” Jason said, “Well, that’s what I’m saying, that’s how I know I’m not gay, because I didn’t like it.” “Oh,” I said. “So you did let him give you a blowjob.” “I didn’t really let him, per se,” Jason said. “It was all just suddenly happening.” “I was not expecting this to be the way your story ends,” I said. Jason said, “The guy followed me into the bathroom and he wanted to give me a blowjob, and then his friend came in, and then the girl came in, and I was just caught off guard.” “Well,” I said, “it was very open-minded and generous of you to take part.” “It was really quick, like 5 seconds, and I told him I didn’t like it. And then he got all mad, and then his friend got mad, and then the girl got mad too, and then everyone left.” “Maybe don’t tell a gay guy he sucks at giving blowjobs,” I said. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything,” said Jason. “This is the greatest night out story that anyone has ever told me,” I said. “Well, at least now I know I’m not gay,” Jason said. “I’ve often wondered.” “Hm,” I said. “Yeah, I guess at least there’s that.” I threw my head back and laughed and I couldn’t wait to tell this story to Dylan.


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