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Baby Shower

It’s getting hard to shave my vulva, it’s getting hard just to bend and move. Earlier today I was huffing and puffing and all out of breathe just from trying to tie my shoes. Kalikia sweetly got right down there and graciously helped me out. Pregnant lady problems. Also I’m beginning to think about creating my baby registry and planning my baby shower. I said, “I know baby showers can be a bit boring and lame because it’s all such daytime PG good clean fun, it’s got to be an afternoon early evening thing too since I go to bed at like 11PM, plus I don’t smoke, do drugs or drink so it’s tough. I’m thinking sitting around eating snacks and vegan gluten free cake drinking fruit smoothies and shit like just opening gifts playing Balderdash and maybe baby themed Charades would be fun.” “You think baby themed Charades is what’s going to make your baby shower cool,” said Dylan while he tried and failed to keep a straight face. “God damn it,” I said. “Baby themed charades,” Dylan repeated shiny in the eyes full of merriment and barely holding back a guffaw. He’s been ridiculing my baby themed Charades idea all day. Pregnant lady blues. I mean fuck that guy and fuck you too.

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