While I was working on this picture, I said to myself, “I pledge allegiance to the fag,” and then immediately pulled the idea from possible public consumption for fear of reprisals, but then thought what the hell and fuck, I’ll share that shit for sure. Because when it comes down to flags and fags, my allegiance is without question to the homosexuals. As Lady Gaga used to like to say, “God bless America, and God bless the gays.” I’ll rewrite that shit and just say America’s cool sure, but it’s the Gays that make it beautiful. Gays make everything beautiful. Imagine the world without them. Talk about fuck no and holy shit bleak. In a word: boring and ugly. It’s no wonder this world is overrun with fag hags, Gays not only make everything better, they make the best friends ever. They make you happy with their wit, spontaneity, and relentless humour, they’re sensitive and in tune and know immediately when you’re upset, and they give a shit. Also they’re the best at everything including art, music, dance, design, photography, choreography, hospitality, architecture, fashion, lighting, styling, landscaping, personal training, counselling, theater, poetry, baking, cooking, wardrobe, make up, hair, and childcare. Don’t even bother arguing with me, I’m right, they are really the best, I’m pretty much 100% certain that all I’m putting forth is inarguable and true. Plus too, as regards how many straight men are keen to “plow [a woman] in the ass,” gay men receive and perform such actions willingly and with delight. Yet another way that they share the burden and let women off the hook. And such a hook right. In a thousand key ways, gay men are perfect. That’s my basic thesis. I have another comparable thesis involving Black men, but we’ll save that ode for a later post.