The Museum of Torture


I had a a friend once who was dumped by her boyfriend because he didn’t like a coat she had bought. It was a very nice cashmere coat, but for some reason it disgusted him to see her wearing it. At least that’s what he told her. She cut it up, doused it in lighter fluid, and burned it, but her boyfriend never came back. Another girl I know lost her boyfriend for using eyedrops in bed. They were just normal drops, but he said he couldn’t stand seeing her put them in. Strange that a little thing like a coat or an eyedrop can ruin everything.


True Love

How The Fight Started

I asked my wife, “Were do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
I said, “How about the kitchen?”
And that’s how the fight started…

I asked my wife to buy me a case of beer.
Instead, she bought herself a jar of cold cream.
I said, “The beer would’ve made you look better than the cold cream.”
And that’s how the fight started…

My wife said, “Take me some place expensive!”
So I took her to a gas station.
And that’s how the fight started…

My wife and I went out to a restaurant.
The waiter for some reason took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah,” I said, “She can order for herself.”
And that’s how the fight started…

My wife stood naked looking into the mirror.
She wasn’t happy with what she saw.
She said, “I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
I said, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
And that’s how the fight started…