The main reason I’m not an alcoholic is I’m too negligent, even with my drinks. I’m all like “oh” whenever I come across a drink that I poured and misplaced days ago and forgot to finish. This too is another reason it’s probably good I don’t have kids. I’d be all “whoops” and “shit” whenever I saw one of them languishing somewhere and was reminded I ever had them. Plus I’d likely never remember their motherfucking birthdays or even their goddamned names. If they were dogs though I’d remember everything. There’s just something about dogs that effortlessly captures the whole of my heart and my attention. I think about them even when there’s none around and when I see one, I fall into fits of baby talk and playfulness and coochy cooing delights, regardless of who they belong to, what they look like, and the fact that they’re not mine. Dogs. I wonder why I love them so much.