To my wonderful husband. You are the best and greatest. You’re the very nicest part of my whole life besides Asha. Here’s to 17 years, look at us here, mere babes in the woods, we’ve come so far and still going strong. We’re gonna break all the love records (though I think Heather’s grandparents just celebrated 60 years so we still have a ways to go lol) but I am confident that we’ll make it through, I have faith in us, I really do, I think if anyone can do it, it’s me and you. I love you so much. Happy anniversary!
Out celebrating a good friend’s 40th. We love you, uncle Dave!
You are a marvelous human being. Feather and Daisy are lucky to have you as their pack leader, Asha is lucky to have you as her daddy, I’m lucky to have you in my life, it’s a joy and an honour to be your wife. Thank you for everything you are, thank you for all that you do. You are the best. I love you.
I’m about to undergo major dental surgery, I have to get another bone graft, unfortunately, since the previous procedure was successful, but there was further bone loss. Last time I had both a bone graft and a sinus lift and the operation was brutal. The healing afterward was even worse. I thought about pain and suicide, not so much that I was going to kill myself, but about people enduring such persistent perpetual pain they saw suicide as the only way to end it. I can’t believe I have to go through all this again. Fuck. Thoughts and prayers, friends, thanks.
It really fucks me up to know you’re gone. You were family and not just a friend. I’m sorry we weren’t there to help you or save you in the end. Rest easy, Nej.
I cut the shit out of my finger this morning, spent 3 hours in Urgent Care and got 4 stitches. Now the finger in question is all useless and hurts like a motherfucker, I’m 2 finger typing, it’s uncomfortable, and it blows. Hello Wednesday!
Mother’s Day is the best day of the year, change my mind! Happy Mother’s Day to all you beautiful mothers. You know who you are. Happy Mother’s Day to anyone who has done, is doing, or wants to do mothering of any kind. Thank you for your service.
For Asha’s birthday, we filled the day up doing everything she likes. Dylan took her to the library where she ran wild and then they went grocery shopping where Asha got to get whatever she wanted. She wanted cookies and ice cream and pie. Then we went swimming and Asha was over the moon. Before swimming, Asha gave us an especially peppy version of her we’re going swimming dance. Adonis and Jan kindly stayed back to assemble Asha’s trampoline, we are so lucky and grateful to have helpful and wonderful friends. After swimming, Danny brought Rani over and Tara stopped by with her boys. Chaos ensued and poor Daisy barely made it out alive. Was very nice to have other kids around for Asha but sweet mother of god. Made me appreciate Asha’s preschool teachers who handle twenty 2 to 5-year-olds for several hours every day. We could barely handle four kids for five minutes. Made me appreciate the difference between one child and several. Made me appreciate the difference between having a girl and not boys. Eye opening, to put it mildly. Dylan made Asha’s favourite meal (noodles) and then we ate pie and ice cream, sang Happy Birthday and Asha opened her gifts. She actually found her presents stash a few days early and demanded to open the gifts at once, so she only had the remaining gifts to open on her actual birthday. Asha loved it all. To close the evening off, we brought Asha outside to jump on the trampoline and she just about lost it. The girl was born to jump so the trampoline was a massive hit. Asha loved it so much she paused to walk in a circle and give each individual trampoline pole a kiss. Very amusing and sweet, that girl is just a heartbreaker. Overall a really fun and wonderful birthday. I love celebrating Asha and making her happy, I almost prefer her happiness to my own. Seeing her smile and enjoying herself is the best. I want to have more children so that I can love them with my whole heart and celebrate their special days. Birthdays are so much better with kids, actually almost everything is. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d think this. Asha is such a blessing. She makes life worth whatever sadness, struggle and trouble there is. It’s an absolute joy to love her, take care of her and celebrate her. Happy birthday, Asha!
In three weeks Asha turns 3! Sweet baby angel is a baby no more. I made Asha an Amazon wish list in case any of you wanted to get her a gift シ
We took Asha swimming and she was beside herself with excitement and joy, almost to the point of derangement. She couldn’t even. We went with Asha’s friend Rani, and Danny, Rani’s dad. Asha is a water baby times a thousand, she wanted to keep swimming forever and ever and ever, she wanted to go everywhere and do all of the things. She said, “THIS ONE,” and, “THAT WAY,” and, “AGAIN,” and, “ASHA SWIM.” She played in the fountains and under the waterfalls and with the water guns and jets and sprinklers, she even wanted to dive off the diving board by herself. She loved the hot tub area and wanted to stay in there, Asha loved swimming and being in water so passionately it was poignant to see. The only problem though was that she didn’t want to leave. Eventually we had to bodily remove her kicking and screaming. She ignored our assurances that we’d return so that she could swim again. Asha shouted, “NO NO NO,” and, “MY WATER,” and, “ASHA SWIM,” as we attempted to gather her up and go. She was beyond crushed that swimming was ending. Finally she was distracted by some smalls kids skating in the adjacent skating rink, Asha’s mad for skating also. She said, “ASHA SKATE,” and grinned maniacally. Then I got Asha a giant scoop of strawberry ice cream with rainbow sprinkles on a small cone and she was maximum stoked. Watching her carefully enjoying her giant scoop of strawberry ice cream wobbling on the little cone was precious. Asha’s eyes just shone. She said, “MMMMMMM,” and, “DELICIOUS.” Seeing the skating and getting the ice cream both lessened the pain of stopping swimming. That said, Asha absolutely cannot wait to go swimming again. Every day she says, “WATER,” and, “ASHA SWIM.” Swimming was fun for us as well, even though it’s something we rarely do. We’re such amateurs however and were totally unprepared, we basically forgot everything important. At the pool when we opened our bag, we saw we forgot masks, I forgot my bathing suit, we didn’t have towels and we didn’t bring extra diapers. Asha wasn’t even wearing a coat. God, we’re so bad, but we’re still pretty awesome parents too.
Just dropped off our angel for her first day of school! I’ll never forget the look on her little face, it was equal parts excitement and anticipation at the newness of it all, as well as wonder at where we were going and why we weren’t coming in. I feel a thousand feelings at this moment, I hope Asha isn’t asking for her mama and crying her eyes out. I hope the teachers and the other kids aren’t being subjected to a relentless and passionate tirade. She has gradual entry all week, today’s class is only 40 minutes, Dylan will get her then, after he picks up some photos we needed to print and include in Asha’s comfort kit. I’m off to see a skin specialist to get my keloid scar tissue assessed and the first round of steroid shots. I can’t wait to get all that done and sorted, and I can’t wait to hear how Asha’s first day of school went.
First snowman, second snowfall, for Asha. This stuff is from February, I’m nearly a year late in sharing it. Winter, snowmen, snowfalls, Halloween, and Christmas, all these things are better with kids. Kids make everything harder, kids make everything better, harder is better. I can’t believe it’s the last day of the year, and tomorrow is 1/1/22, which I think is cool. Let’s hope 2022 is a good year, better than last year and better than the year before that. I had such high hopes for 2020 and look where that got us. I’m therefore keeping my hopes for 2022 modest and minimal. Things will always be better if you expect the worst and anyway adversity builds character, strength comes from pain, you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. Fear is powerful, but love is stronger than fear. Sending love to each and every one of you. Happy new year.
Wishing you all so much love, success and happiness. With each new year, may we all be sweeter, better and kinder. Here’s to you. Here’s to us. Merry Christmas.
ill.Gates w Eko Zu tonight at HopMonk Tavern in Sebastopol! Wish I could be there, I love Ian, and of course I love Dylan. People in or near Sebastopol don’t miss this show, it’s going to be good, that’s the truth, actually Dylan played at HopMonk Tavern for our goodbye party when we moved away from San Francisco in 2017, there’s a bit of history for you.
Recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary of moving to Vancouver, and while we miss Los Angeles and our friends there, Vancouver is great. Our house and neighbourhood are perfect, ideal for artists, pets and kids. So thankful for this life and especially for my family, for Dylan, Asha, Feather and Daisy.
ill.Gates ‘The Arrival Tour’ this weekend: Friday November 05 at ELEKTRICITY in Pontiac MI with Rusko! Saturday November 06 at The Green Elephant in Dallas TX with Ahee! These are some dates I wish I could attend. The music’s going to be amazing as ill.Gates, Rusko and Ahee are all brilliant. The venues and promoters are also great. People in or near Pontiac or Dallas, don’t sleep. Shit’s gonna be fire; you’re in for a treat.
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Super Asha!