My girlfriend says, “This girl, she’s a vampire and every time she has sex her hymen grows back and she’s a virgin again.” “Fascinating,” I say, “From what world doth this woman’s rare and diaphanous gift proceed.” “True Blood,” says my girlfriend. Matter-of-fact and with shrug. “That’s quite the plot device,” I say. “I enjoy for this hymen to be so substantial and apparently central to the greater narrative.” I speak in my ain’t nobody got time for that voice, even though clearly plenty of people do have time for exactly that. Regenerating hymens. Who in good conscience could really ask for more.