At my 13th anniversary 3rd wedding weekend housewarming birthday rave, RuPaul will officiate, William will give me away and Bassnectar will dj. Gala and Anastazia will stand in for our parents, YO-LANDI will be Maid of Honour, Aquaria, Hungry, Kim Chi, Valentina and Violet Chachki will be bridesmaids. Devon will be Best Man alongside Dov, Chris, Chris, Stephan and Robb G. Feather will be the Ring Bearer and the Flower Girl will be Daisy. Dylan will wear a white suit by Rick Owens and I will wear a black gown by Gia Gelareh. Dinner will be by Morimoto. There will be dancers, twerkers, strippers, hoopers, silk workers and ballet. Illusionists will perform magical tricks and special friends will make special speeches so we can hear nice things said about us all evening. Musical guests will be ill.Gates, NIGHT NURSE, What So Not, Sean Paul, Dillon Francis, Skrillex, Congo Natty, Chopstick Dubplate, Dubconscious, Aphex Twin, Die Antwoord, Mr. Carmack, Diplo and MØ, and all the drag queens will put on a sensational show. This will be one for the books. Maybe not all my dreams will come true but at least no one can fault me for thinking too small or being boring. The world inside my head is exciting and beautiful, I don’t know if you noticed. I think the best way to destroy reality is to dream the drabness away. Imagination is the mother of invention and I’ve got dreams for days.
Oh my god I just made a perfect cup of coffee for once in my life, I’m a grown ass woman finally. What next? Solving world hunger, stopping all wars, clean drinking water for everyone, cures for every illness and disease, peace in the Middle East? Better do it quick since this is my good hair day. Dylan is going to be so stoked when he gets home to see how much his goddamn wife has levelled up. I just washed and chopped up a pile of fresh vegetables, fried a duck egg and grilled some sausage. In other words I cooked for like the third time ever and it was actually pretty fucking good. Like who am I. I am the type of person that climbs up onto a chair to get at a hard to reach cupboard in order to use some rarely chosen cups and the dishes high up at the back so that they get their “day in the sun.” I actually worry about these things. God probably does a lot of rueful headshaking and sorrowful shrugging whenever he gets an eyeful of me. But maybe God now is just a little bit stoked to see that, despite it all, one of his dark horse experiments might actually be working.
If you’re feeling tired, uninspired, bored, depressed, lonely, annoyed, frustrated, flat, aimless, directionless or dull, you should exercise. You will feel better. A little bit of exercise does a body good, so just imagine a lot. Get some exercise, and don’t skimp on it. If you skimp on anything in this life, it should not be exercise. Put the work in, your body will thank you for it. Don’t just take my word for it, actually do it. It’s 100% worth the effort. The harder you challenge yourself, the greater your efforts, the better the results and the more it’s all worth. Trust me. I speak the truth. Exercise is the best cure all and it’s the best high, besides loving dogs.
Always stand up for what matters, regardless of what side you’re supposed to be on. Speak the truth, even when your voice is faint. Do what’s right, even when it hurts.
ONRA Pearl Song
THE TOXIC AVENGER Gloomy Sunday
WHETHAN FEAT. CHARLI XCX Love Gang
ALKALINE Love Yuh Everything
MAJOR LAZER & DJ MAPHORISA Particula
MACHINEDRUM FEAT. MELO-X Angel Speak
ZEDS DEAD FEAT. MEMORECKS Collapse
ZEDS DEAD FEAT. ATLAS Lights Out
FLUME FEAT. ISABELLA MANFREDI TRUST
SPECTRASOUL FEAT. T. BLESSA Away With Me (Calibre Remix)
BCEE FEAT. P. HANNA Back to the Street (NuTone Remix)
CONGO NATTY FEAT. PETER BOUNCER Junglist
INFECTED MUSHROOM Where Do I Belong
FEED ME & KILL THE NOISE FEAT. ANJULIE Crazy Maybe
GRANDTHEFT & KEYS N KRATES Let Me Tell You Something
BIG WILD Ascension
“The ideal of warriorship is that the warrior should be sad and tender and because of that, the warrior can be brave as well. Hold the sadness and pain of samsara in your heart and at the same time the power and vision of the Great Eastern Sun. Then the warrior can make a proper cup of tea.”
NIGHT NURSE is opening for ill.Gates on Wednesday June 13 2018 in Lexington, Kentucky. For those of you who don’t know, Dylan is ill.Gates and I am NIGHT NURSE. I’m going to play tracks that embody my signature vaginastep sound, romantic, experimental, memorable, and end with a couple bangers. Y’all should check it, it’s gonna be beautiful.
I remember when one of my girlfriends first told me about Magic Eraser, her eyes went big and wide, she dragged me by the hand and said, “You’re going to love it” and I did. In fact it’s my favourite cleaning product, Magic Erasers changed my fucking life. They’re amazing and are in fact magic. It’s fucking crazy how quickly and completely they clean everything. It got me thinking, “I can’t be the only bitch that’s in love with this shit” and so I landed upon a Facebook Mr. Clean group where I discovered other like-minded ladies all up in a swoon over Magic Erasers too. Actually most of the women in the group were swooning for Mr. Clean himself. So much so that they wrote him countless flirtatious comments and incredibly suggestive remarks. These messages run the gamut from innocent simple gratitude to outright salaciousness. Like “You can come clean my house anytime” and “My stove’s not the only thing that needs scrubbing.” This is how pathetic and adorable women are. Unable to find Mr. Right in real life, they’ve taken to flirting with a made up man. A strong handsome tall friendly white man who loves to clean. Granted he’s bald yes but it’s deliberate baldness and thus still sexy it would seem. And whoever maintains the Mr. Clean Facebook page takes the time to gallantly respond to everyone. Like “Glad I could be of assistance, Karen” and “Linda, you know I’m always happy to help.” I was pretty floored. I had no idea. Hilarious as all this is, it’s a little bit sad and a little bit touching. Because this is how pathetic and adorable women can be. All they want is a strong handsome tall friendly white man who loves to clean.
Now that I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs, my favourite things to do are eating and sleeping. I eat food with a ferocious wildness like I haven’t eaten in days and I go, “MMMMMMMMM” loudly and exaggeratedly the whole time. While I’m eating I look around hopeful that everyone wishes they were as lucky as me. I’m also simultaneously drastically looking forward to sleeping. I can’t wait to finish eating so that I can cuddle the dogs and sleep. Then in bed I can barely sleep because I’m lying there shiny-eyed thinking about all the delicious food I’ll eat tomorrow. I’ll list aloud to the dogs all the goddamn yummy stuff that I’m gonna devour. Eating and sleeping, eating and sleeping, on repeat. Look at me now. Excuse me for being so incredibly interesting. Flame on motherfuckers.
I read in some article about how it’s important to smile at your dog and I thought, “How nice.” I spend my whole life smiling at dogs whether they’re mine or not, smiling at dogs is basically my favourite pastime. I think we’d all feel better about ourselves and our lives if we spent more time smiling at dogs. Actually loving and caring for dogs is the next step in moving toward being happy. Honestly if there were no dogs I don’t think I’d be all that keen about this world we live in. I mean just imagine how much more the world would suck if there were no dogs in it. Loving dogs is a wonderful feeling and being loved back by a dog is the cure-all for maybe everything.