Sharing

Sometimes I Wish

Sometimes I wish Asha could stay two forever even though they call it the terrible twos for a reason. She’s so goddamn cute though I’d venture to say I’d take all of the terrible just to be able to keep enjoying the cute. I hope Asha’s just as cute and sweet and beautiful as she gets older but I hope she doesn’t keep throwing random tantrums still by then lol. You’d never know it from these sweet idyllic shots but the whole stroller ride on the way to the park Asha cried and screamed and said, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” despairingly over and over again at top volume which sounds extra loud in our super chill neighbourhood. She was upset because I took off her favourite gold sequins beige tutu dress that she wears literally every day for like weeks now, she refuses to let me take it off, she wails and cries and screams and struggles whenever I’ve attempted to change her clothes, she even demands to sleep in the thing. She barely lets me take the dress off for showers and then instantly needs to have the dress put back on her fucking ASAP. It was cold on the day of these pictures so I put her in her puffy black snowsuit and took the dress off. Asha was outraged. Once we got to the park she was distracted and had fun but then she saw some soccer nets and wanted to crawl under to go places where she couldn’t reach so she got half stuck with her neck and head in the netting, she shouted and cried until I rescued her. Then when it was time to go Asha screamed and wept and resisted and I had to hoist her fireman’s carry over my shoulders and with a poker face calmly slowly bring her back to the stroller and strap her in. Asha screamed and raged and struggled and I kept neutral and calm while everyone either paid us no mind or gave me sympathetic glances. Terrible twos I tell ya. Of course as soon as we were home I had to put Asha’s dress back on her again. Asha grinned and laughed and clapped her hands in delight, her face wet with tears, and so much joyful relief in her eyes. The drama. She loves that damn dress. She calls it her yes.

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Event

Grateful to be Here

Hi it’s my birthday. It’s my birthday again on Tuesday too so if you don’t feel like wishing me a Happy Birthday today you have a second opportunity in four days. Most of you know by now that I have two birthdays. The reason for the two birthdays is because God said, “Jesus Christ this bitch is so awesome we should celebrate her twice.” So here we are. Even so, I totally wreck smashed my iPhone this morning. Not the most auspicious way to start my day. Bummer too since I literally just got the damn thing fixed and it already broke again. The place won’t give me a refund either so Dylan is going to drop the hammer on them when he’s back. Meanwhile all I’ve got is this fucked up phone. It’s turned out to be a beautiful day though. I’m grateful to be here at all. It’s an honour just to be nominated. Happy birthday to me. I’d like to thank the Academy.

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Music

Go Home

This is my intelligent talented beautiful kid sister Souda her artist name is NAVEL4EVE. Go listen to her wonderful music, it’s like if Grimes and Depeche Mode had a baby, it would be NAVEL4EVE. Though I probably shouldn’t bring up Grimes, as Souda has a bone to pick with Grimes, but then, who doesn’t. Anyway check out NAVEL4EVE on Spotify and Soundcloud and whatnot, her music’s awesome. It’s been ten years since the release of Go Home, the debut album, and she just released the Spooks EP. Be sure and tell us what’s your song. Mine has always been “Sex in Armour” even though “Blue Cigarette” is about me. I like all the songs though. I’m still trying to decide my favourite from Spooks.

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Family

Toddler Speak

Toddler speak is as much a challenging and complex language as any to learn, the going is rather bristly and tough for a while, both for the toddler and the adult, in efforts to communicate and be understood. There is mystery and frustration felt by all parties, but the sense of triumph and reprieve when a riddle is solved is all rejoicing and exultation. That AHA moment is glorious beyond compare. So far with Asha this is what we’ve got: Barbie dolls are dogs. Stuck is syuck. Light is white. iPhone is eye bone. This one is swan. This way is sway. Orange juice is oh jin. Thank you is tanks daddy. Dress is yes. Black is bwack. Chicken is kitchen. Getting this far provides joy and succour for all involved. Let me tell you, raising a child, watching them learn, and teaching them stuff, is fascinating, exasperating, poignant and fun.

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Event

Bright Like Fire

This week ill.Gates has shows in Boston MA tonight at Sonia, Brooklyn NY on Thursday at Knitting Factory, Harrisburg PA on Friday at HMac, and in Ellington MN on Saturday for Infrasound Festival. Dylan is performing all original music from his latest album set to carefully curated artful visuals. Everyone in the cities mentioned I highly recommend you go. Get out there and support the tour. ill.Gates is one of the hardest working DJ’s in the game and his heart shines bright like fire. Your support means the world.

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Vignette

The Front Room

Dylan said, “I was up in the front room and saw this woman smelling our roses and I was all aw but then she started to get really into it and it got a bit gross and I was like bitch smell your own flowers!” I chuckled. “She made it weird,” I said. “She made it weird,” said Dylan.

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Advice

Face Your Fears

If you fear germs you get sick. If you fear animals you set them off. If you fear others you make enemies and you miss out on friendship. If you fear responsibility you shrivel. If you fear risks you have regrets. If you fear change you won’t grow. If you fear love you’ll end up alone. Face your fears before it’s too late.

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Advice

Someone You Love

Treat your body like it belongs to someone you love. Choose yourself over your bad habits. Self appreciation, acknowledgment, respect, tenderness, discipline and work are crucial to true health and happiness. There’s only one you. Take care of yourself and celebrate yourself, don’t wait for or rely on someone else to do it for you. (Because if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell, et cetera, et cetera).

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Product

Ode to a Hairbrush

I bought a hairbrush through Amazon and when I got the box there was a note included which said, “Dear Valued Customer: First, I would like to say thank you so much for purchasing our product. We are a small family-owned business operating here in Canada. We have just launched this product and it has very few reviews. It would be greatly appreciated if you could take the time to offer us a review of your recent purchase. One of the hardest parts of being a small family-owned Canadian Business on Amazon is getting those first sales, as nobody takes the time to leaves us reviews, however, if you could be part of the 1% of people that do leave a review, we would be INCREDIBLY grateful and it would mean the world to us. Thank you.” My word, but what an earnest and politely expressed request. I couldn’t very well ignore it. So even though I am like 99% of the other people who shop through Amazon and don’t leave reviews, this time I endeavoured to be a part of the 1% that do. I said, “This is one fine motherfucking hairbrush. It’s pretty much exactly what I wanted. It’s just the right size, shape and weight. It’s attractive, constructed of good materials, the bristles are just the right length, and they’re just the right amount of soft and firm. This might be the perfect hairbrush. I’m pleased with my purchase. What’s more, I’m pleased to be able to give my support to a small family-owned Canadian business, both by making this purchase, and then taking the time to hammer out this positive review. Time well spent, and brush well bought.” So there you go, my little good deed for the day, and I am proof positive too that, for the most part, goddamn, but Canadians sure are nice.

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