Throwback to when I was thirteen weeks pregnant with Asha. Who would have ever thought that a year and a half later we would have a beautiful baby girl who would take her first steps on her first birthday in the middle of a pandemic requiring worldwide quarantine and enforced period of social distancing. What a time to be alive. I encourage you all to use this unprecedented situation as an opportunity to spend quality time with your loved ones. This is your chance to learn about each other, appreciate each other and be thankful. Take this opportunity to show love to one another and help each other. Take this opportunity to be creative, be compassionate and learn something new. We can’t always control what happens to us but we can control our reactions. Together we’ve got this. Humanity historically has dealt with worse and pulled through.
Just because another thing is worse doesn’t make something good. There’s always room for improvement and there are many things that should change. Sure, no one and nothing is perfect, but we can all be better, do better, try harder and do more. We are creatures of limitless potential. Our world and our lives are as good as we make it, it’s on us. It’s up to us. But we have to want it and we have to work together.
There are no absolute truths. We don’t know anything for certain. We must be humble in the way that we approach nature because our opinion counts for nothing in the face of nature. We can be shown to be wrong and we should appreciate every instance when we are wrong because that means we have the chance to learn. We can’t grow without learning and we can’t learn without making mistakes. We must approach nature with love and compassion and with openness. That’s the same way that we must approach ourselves and it’s how we must approach each other.
Me and Asha are watching Jane The Virgin and she is all about it. She’s transfixed, plus she is learning to sit all tucked in against mommy, we are spoon sitting. It’s so fucking great having a baby, she’s such good company. I have someone to do everything with 24-7 and she likes everything I like so far. Plus she cracks me up, she’s a real comedian and she hasn’t even learned to talk yet. She thinks I’m real funny too, I’m always getting her to smile and laugh. Making Asha laugh is one of my favourite pastimes. Seeing her jolly gives me joy. Daisy and Feather too. Shit is running. Hope something bad doesn’t happen, things are good, maybe too good. This is why I’m going out of my way to count my blessings. I’m so glad and grateful.
Once you get to a certain point in your life, people start trying to tell you that magic isn’t real. These people are trying to quell your sense of wonder at the majesty of the world, and you mustn’t let them. Because magic happens all the time. Whenever you see something utterly beautiful in nature, and you take the time to notice it, it’s magic. When you recognize the love you have to give and the love you receive, it’s magic. Magic is in the look and touch and nearness of someone who matters to you. It’s magic even when something sad or terrible happens, because there is magic in the very fact that you care, and that you’re still there. Magic happens when you stand up for what matters. Magic happens when you don’t let anything ever beat you, no matter what. Magic happens when you are part of the force of love. It’s magic, no matter how dim the hope, how slim the chances, how great the cost. Magic happens every time you give, every time you love, and every time that you are strong. The magic only stops when you let it. The magic is in you and it is all around you. Because the magic is you.
Our strongest human need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by someone else, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. We need to be loved by someone who chooses to love us and who sees in us something worth loving. But this kind of love requires dedication and discipline because it is the decision to spend energy and effort to benefit another person, knowing that if their life is enriched by our efforts, we too will find satisfaction, the satisfaction not only of being loved but of loving.
I thought breastfeeding would be hard and weird or that I would be too self-conscious and embarrassed to really do it. I thought I would give it a go, find it annoying and difficult, say fuck this and head straight to feeding my baby formula. I didn’t expect to actually enjoy breastfeeding or to discover that I’d be good at it. Also Asha is good at latching so we began breastfeeding successfully together unusually fast. Everyone was surprised and impressed by our teamwork, I am breastfeeding all the time and it touches my heart to see how much good it’s doing Asha, how healthy and happy it makes her, how much she’s stoked. I rarely put on make up, I barely comb my hair, I saunter around the house topless in my underwear ready for the next breastfeeding session. I’ve become this focused feral woman intent on feeding my child continuously and naturally, I find it incomparably satisfying. The skin to skin contact during each breastfeeding session is incredibly rejuvenating and beautiful, there’s no nicer or better feeling, it’s a mother and child bond I wouldn’t trade for the world. I’m exhausted, I’m barely awake, the house is a study in chaos, I am still recovering from the surgery and from birth, it hurts to bend and laugh and move, but I’ve never been happier. I am wholly embracing the wonder, challenge and joy of being a mother and I am so completely in love with my baby girl.
When I have a baby, I’m gonna spend the nine months deep inside a k hole coming out just long enough to smoke cigarettes and drink vodka straight from the bottle. Then I’m gonna head straight for a c-section and tell them to give me like ten epidurals so that I’ll feel zero pain and have to do zero work. Then I’m gonna breastfeed the kid wherever I damn well please and for as long as the damn kid needs it, I don’t give a fuck if he’s seven. And I’m gonna homeschool him and never get him vaccinated not because I’m an anti-vaxxer per say but just to piss people off. I’m hoping my child’s first words will either be “God is dead” or “Go fuck yourself.” Anyway no I’m not being completely serious though I kind of wish I was, and I’m not as angry as I sound, in fact I’m smiling right now. I’m listening to Rage Against The Machine’s self-titled first album at top volume on the PK sound system and it’s awesome. God bless America.
We all have the potential to leave other people better off than they were. Even something as simple as smiling at someone can make their whole day. Every person has the power to make a change. We all have it in us to be able to improve the world, to make it better and brighter, for ourselves and for each other. The question is, will we? Love is what makes the whole thing matter. Receiving love makes us brave, and giving love makes us beautiful.
Women need to think less about tearing each other down and more about lifting each other up. Envy, jealousy and bitterness will make you really ugly, no matter how beautiful you think you are. Life is a team sport and you’re only as good as your team. Your life won’t be good if your team isn’t good. Without real friendship and family and love, you’re fucked.