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Thirteen

Okay so I’m throwing a big special 13th anniversary 3rd wedding housewarming birthday party rave! Here’s my Amazon wish list in case y’all wanted to buy us gifts シ My birthday’s not until October 12 and the party’s on October 13 but some of the listed items are from China so I want to leave sufficient time for shipping. This actually might be the greatest wish list ever created, I had a lot of fun making it. In fact I forced Dylan to look at it often while I made high pitched sounds and behaved excitedly. “Only you,” said Dylan. But take a look, because it’s just a sensational collection of items. If you know anyone who is even remotely like me, they’d be stoked to receive anything from this list.

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If It’s True

If it’s true that dealing with many sudden and intense episodes of morning sickness , vomiting and nausea in the first trimester is a sign of a healthier more intelligent child , than this baby is going to be an athlete and a genius. I’m kind of thinking though that they tell women these things to make all the suffering easier. If it’s true though than yeah, I’ll fucking suffer. It’s just annoying that all the things I usually do or take to deal with feeling shitty are off the table so I’m up “shit creek” so to speak and all I can do is complain. For all of you who don’t enjoy a complaining woman shut the fuck up and let a lady air her grievances. If all she’s “allowed” to do is bitch about shit in order to feel better, than let her, don’t take that away from her too. Just listen, tell her you’re sorry she feels badly, and tell her she’s beautiful, even if it isn’t true. Because as somebody once said, all women need to keep living are water, food and compliments. Thankfully these bouts of feeling shitty are brief. I just scooped both dogs up in my arms, held them tight, danced with them, sang them a song, felt joyful and buoyant. Looks like I’m in for a fucking real rollercoaster of a ride, and so especially is Dylan.

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Destroying Reality

At my 13th anniversary 3rd wedding weekend housewarming birthday rave, RuPaul will officiate, William will give me away and Bassnectar will dj. Gala and Anastazia will stand in for our parents, YO-LANDI will be Maid of Honour, AquariaHungryKim Chi, Valentina and Violet Chachki will be bridesmaids. Devon will be Best Man alongside DovChrisChrisStephan and Robb G. Feather will be the Ring Bearer and the Flower Girl will be Daisy. Dylan will wear a white suit by Rick Owens and I will wear a black gown by Gia Gelareh. Dinner will be by Morimoto. There will be dancers, twerkers, strippers, hoopers, silk workers and ballet. Illusionists will perform magical tricks and special friends will make special speeches so we can hear nice things said about us all evening. Musical guests will be ill.GatesNIGHT NURSEWhat So NotSean PaulDillon FrancisSkrillexCongo NattyChopstick DubplateDubconsciousAphex TwinDie AntwoordMr. CarmackDiplo and , and all the drag queens will put on a sensational show. This will be one for the books. Maybe not all my dreams will come true but at least no one can fault me for thinking too small or being boring. The world inside my head is exciting and beautiful, I don’t know if you noticed. I think the best way to destroy reality is to dream the drabness away. Imagination is the mother of invention and I’ve got dreams for days.

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