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Only Love Can Heal

Only love can heal this broken world. Love lights the way because love is the source of the cure. Celebrating 16 years with my one true love. Thank you for yesterday, today and tomorrow. I love living this life with you, I love taking this ride with you. Thank you for everything. Here’s to 16 more.

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The Arrival

ill.Gates THE ARRIVAL tour kicking off tonight in Atlanta! Celebrating the final LP of the “Airport Trilogy” dropping this Friday! Amazing support on the first half of the tour from an-ten-nae, Aplsoz, CANVAS, DiCE MaN, ELEVATD and Kermode. If you see your city here, I highly recommend you go. Dylan has been working very hard writing new music and syncing tracks to video to offer a sensational audiovisual show. Plus this is the first time he’s been separated from his gorgeous wife and beautiful child since the start of the pandemic, so if you support the tour, you will help to make it successful, which will ease the pain of separation and make Dylan happy. And when Dylan is happy, the whole world is happy too.

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To My Angel

Happy birthday to my angel of a husband. Thank you for being the absolute best. You are matchless, unequaled, unparalleled and unsurpassed. You’re my favourite in all the ways. I hope your birthday has been fantastic and that you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. Ps don’t listen to the haters baby you don’t look a day over 40!

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Drawing Boards

I had my first ultrasound and was told this wasn’t a viable pregnancy. A fetal heartbeat could not be detected. When I heard this I couldn’t understand or accept it. I was unprepared for this news. I was there to be reassured that there were no chromosomal abnormalities and that the pregnancy was progressing well, I didn’t expect to be told that the pregnancy was unviable and that there was no heartbeat. When I was pregnant with Asha and had my first ultrasound, hearing her heartbeat was the first most profound moment of connection with her. It was extremely special and beautiful. Dylan and I were on the verge of tears. This time Dylan wasn’t there and there was no heartbeat. The absence of it was absolutely crushing. I left the lab feeling empty and dazed. I had a second ultrasound that confirmed the results of the first. I was diagnosed with early pregnancy loss at eight weeks. Seeing the embryo silent and inert in the picture was devastating. I know that miscarriages are common and to some extent I should have expected this to maybe happen but I just never thought it would happen to me. I know I shouldn’t blame myself but I couldn’t help wondering what I did wrong. I couldn’t help feeling that the miscarriage was somehow my fault. I go into surgery today at 12:30 PM to get a D&C. Dilation and curettage is a procedure to remove tissue from inside the uterus. Doctors perform it to treat certain uterine conditions like heavy bleeding or to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage or abortion. The procedure only takes 5 minutes but I have to remain at the hospital for a while to make sure everything is fine. Then I have bedrest for 2-3 days and I’ll be taking medication for discomfort and pain. If I have excessive bleeding I’ll have to go to Emergency, otherwise I just have to rest and get better. Then it’s back to the drawing board. If we are unable to give Asha a brother or sister by ourselves we will adopt. This story will have a happy ending yet. Although I am feeling heartbroken and crushed I still have hope for the future. Things always get worse before they get better so that must mean something good is gonna happen soon.

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Being a Mom

Of the jobs I’ve had, the roles I’ve played, the things I’ve been, and the things I’ve achieved, being a mom is the best and my favourite. I never knew what was missing from my life until I had Asha. Now I know what love is. I’m so blessed and grateful to have such a bright and beautiful girl. They say being a parent is the toughest job and it’s true, but it’s also the most fun, the most important and the most rewarding. Happiness to all mothers. Happy mother’s day!

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Incoming

INCOMING! A BROTHER OR SISTER FOR ASHA! I’m thrilled. I never had a big solid family growing up so it’s extremely important and meaningful for me to make my own. I’m gonna give my children all the encouragement, support and love I never got. Asha is entirely marvelous with just her I’m already so thankful and happy, but I think giving her a brother or sister to grow up with is the right thing to do. Another Asha! I can’t wait. This is gonna be great.

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Fifteen

We’re celebrating 15 years together, happy anniversary to my one true love. Blessed to spend this life with you, thank you for putting up with me, thank you for always having my back, thank you for all that you do, and thank you especially for inspiring me every day to be a better person. This picture was taken a year and a half ago at Huntington Botanical Gardens when Asha was a month old. I’m so thankful for you, I’m grateful for our family, and I love you both the most always.

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Deja Voom 2.0

So excited for this. Was super bummed to miss the inauguration of this festival last year Dylan said it was amazing. Thrilled to get to go this year and to bring Asha, it’s basically the perfect way to experience a festival and the perfect first festival experience for Asha. Also thrilled to get to bring Eric and Sarah as our special VIP guests especially since we failed to attend their epic farflung fairytale wedding on the Faroe Islands last year. Gonna be fire to have them there. They’re trying to get pregnant so Sarah isn’t partying so she’s the perfect sitter for Asha while me and the boys rage from stage to stage. I was even going to get to play a half hour set as NIGHT NURSE opening for ill.Gates at one of the side stages but then I wasn’t. Was real exciting for a second there but the Lorin giveth and the Lorin taketh away as Dylan says. Still going to be awesome though, just slightly less awesome without NIGHT NURSE.

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It’s my birthday

Wednesday was my birthday and I spent it quietly with family and friends. Today it’s my birthday again. Every year I have two birthdays because I was a war refugee, I don’t know my parents, my name, my birthplace or my birthday. Everything is made up. Many people from a similar part of the world during a similar time have a similar story. Now I’m 44 and I’ve never felt or looked better, and I’ve never been healthier or happier. Life is good. Feather, Daisy, Asha and Dylan are the reason. I have to pack for our trip to Vancouver to spend Thanksgiving in Canada with Dylan’s family so I’ll post the rest of these pictures later.

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