Now that I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs, my favourite things to do are eating and sleeping. I eat food with a ferocious wildness like I haven’t eaten in days and I go, “MMMMMMMMM” loudly and exaggeratedly the whole time. While I’m eating I look around hopeful that everyone wishes they were as lucky as me. I’m also simultaneously drastically looking forward to sleeping. I can’t wait to finish eating so that I can cuddle the dogs and sleep. Then in bed I can barely sleep because I’m lying there shiny-eyed thinking about all the delicious food I’ll eat tomorrow. I’ll list aloud to the dogs all the goddamn yummy stuff that I’m gonna devour. Eating and sleeping, eating and sleeping, on repeat. Look at me now. Excuse me for being so incredibly interesting. Flame on motherfuckers.