Family

13 Days

Baby’s little shoe collection so far. I die. Also I have so many scrumptiously adorably delicious little outfits for her, it’s shocking how already elaborate and cute her wardrobe is. Girlfriend’s going to have to have hourly outfit changes. Speaking of baby, I can’t believe I’m only 13 days away from my due date. Terrified, so excited, I’m not ready, I can’t wait. Jesus christ, fucking hell, holy shit.

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Dialogue

Spot Stealer

Chief resident spot stealer. Daisy loves my big boof boof soft downy pale green coat so much, all the dogs do, I’m thinking of getting a second one just for them to cozy up in, I feel so badly taking it away from them, the second I take it off, one of them, especially Daisy, already immediately is lying in or on it.

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Dialogue

Can’t Wait

I put hot sauce and mustard on fucking literally everything it drives Dylan mad he’s always lecturing me until I have to remind him that it’s not up to him I can do whatever I want he’s not the boss of me. In other news I just did my first laundry load of tiny little baby clothes and I just about burst into tears it’s all so motherfucking cute. Literally the world’s cutest load of laundry. Can’t wait to put these tiny adorable clothes on an actual baby.

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Advice

Slay, Bitch

It’s wrong to be a freeloading mooch but it’s also wrong to be greedy and selfish. Be generous but don’t let people take advantage of you. Be nice and be kind but don’t be a doormat. Be good but don’t be boring. Be bad but don’t be a piece of shit. Also don’t forget to have fun. Life is a beautiful adventure, not some kind of unending punishment, or a goddamn funeral. So slay, bitch, slay. Living your best life is up to you, no one is going to do it for you.

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Vignette

After the quake

Shortly after we moved to San Francisco, Dylan gave several solemn lectures warning me about earthquakes and how I must act whenever they might happen. He went out of his way to be melodramatic in his speech in order to underscore the urgency. The first time a little tremor occurred, I could hear a scuffling struggle of many quick urgent movements which themselves were more dramatic than the actual earthquake. Then Dylan streaked past shouting, “Run, Nunich​! R​un!” I didn’t run and instead gazed with vague fascination at all the trinkets and things lightly quivering for some seconds on the room’s walls and shelves. Then I went to the door and saw Dylan standing outside in the middle of the yard in his underwear. He was clutching a pile of hard drives and a modular synth. I shook my head at him and covered my mouth​ to​ hide a smile. Dude sure can hustle, no matter how simple or serious the seeming situation and​,​ judging by those hard drives and the modular synth, we get of his priorities quite a good inside glimpse.

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Event

So We’re Having a Baby

So we’re having a baby. The due date is March 20 the first day of spring which I can’t help but find amazing. Here’s our baby registry in case you wanted to buy us gifts. The shipping address is attached to the registry and you’ll be alerted if someone already bought a certain item so don’t worry it’s not possible for us to receive repeat gifts. This is a Universal Wish List so items can be bought from other stores but are fulfilled by Amazon. There is no particular order here we want everything on this list otherwise the item would not be included. For more expensive items try teaming up with others to share the cost. Don’t forget to include a signed note so we know who the gifts are from. Thank you!

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Vignette

Baby Shower

It’s getting hard to shave my vulva, it’s getting hard just to bend and move. Earlier today I was huffing and puffing and all out of breathe just from trying to tie my shoes. Kalikia sweetly got right down there and graciously helped me out. Pregnant lady problems. Also I’m beginning to think about creating my baby registry and planning my baby shower. I said, “I know baby showers can be a bit boring and lame because it’s all such daytime PG good clean fun, it’s got to be an afternoon early evening thing too since I go to bed at like 11PM, plus I don’t smoke, do drugs or drink so it’s tough. I’m thinking sitting around eating snacks and vegan gluten free cake drinking fruit smoothies and shit like just opening gifts playing Balderdash and maybe baby themed Charades would be fun.” “You think baby themed Charades is what’s going to make your baby shower cool,” said Dylan while he tried and failed to keep a straight face. “God damn it,” I said. “Baby themed charades,” Dylan repeated shiny in the eyes full of merriment and barely holding back a guffaw. He’s been ridiculing my baby themed Charades idea all day. Pregnant lady blues. I mean fuck that guy and fuck you too.

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