NIGHT NURSE is opening for ill.Gates on Wednesday June 13 2018 in Lexington, Kentucky. For those of you who don’t know, Dylan is ill.Gates and I am NIGHT NURSE. I’m going to play tracks that embody my signature vaginastep sound, romantic, experimental, memorable, and end with a couple bangers. Y’all should check it, it’s gonna be beautiful.
I remember when one of my girlfriends first told me about Magic Eraser, her eyes went big and wide, she dragged me by the hand and said, “You’re going to love it” and I did. In fact it’s my favourite cleaning product, Magic Erasers changed my fucking life. They’re amazing and are in fact magic. It’s fucking crazy how quickly and completely they clean everything. It got me thinking, “I can’t be the only bitch that’s in love with this shit” and so I landed upon a Facebook Mr. Clean group where I discovered other like-minded ladies all up in a swoon over Magic Erasers too. Actually most of the women in the group were swooning for Mr. Clean himself. So much so that they wrote him countless flirtatious comments and incredibly suggestive remarks. These messages run the gamut from innocent simple gratitude to outright salaciousness. Like “You can come clean my house anytime” and “My stove’s not the only thing that needs scrubbing.” This is how pathetic and adorable women are. Unable to find Mr. Right in real life, they’ve taken to flirting with a made up man. A strong handsome tall friendly white man who loves to clean. Granted he’s bald yes but it’s deliberate baldness and thus still sexy it would seem. And whoever maintains the Mr. Clean Facebook page takes the time to gallantly respond to everyone. Like “Glad I could be of assistance, Karen” and “Linda, you know I’m always happy to help.” I was pretty floored. I had no idea. Hilarious as all this is, it’s a little bit sad and a little bit touching. Because this is how pathetic and adorable women can be. All they want is a strong handsome tall friendly white man who loves to clean.
There’s an indentation on the face of a dog between the eyes above the snout that’s perfect for pressing into and kissing. It’s very nice to hold the kiss for a while, and it’s like the dogs know, for they treat the moment very serious.
Now that I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs, my favourite things to do are eating and sleeping. I eat food with a ferocious wildness like I haven’t eaten in days and I go, “MMMMMMMMM” loudly and exaggeratedly the whole time. While I’m eating I look around hopeful that everyone wishes they were as lucky as me. I’m also simultaneously drastically looking forward to sleeping. I can’t wait to finish eating so that I can cuddle the dogs and sleep. Then in bed I can barely sleep because I’m lying there shiny-eyed thinking about all the delicious food I’ll eat tomorrow. I’ll list aloud to the dogs all the goddamn yummy stuff that I’m gonna devour. Eating and sleeping, eating and sleeping, on repeat. Look at me now. Excuse me for being so incredibly interesting. Flame on motherfuckers.
I read in some article about how it’s important to smile at your dog and I thought, “How nice.” I spend my whole life smiling at dogs whether they’re mine or not, smiling at dogs is basically my favourite pastime. I think we’d all feel better about ourselves and our lives if we spent more time smiling at dogs. Actually loving and caring for dogs is the next step in moving toward being happy. Honestly if there were no dogs I don’t think I’d be all that keen about this world we live in. I mean just imagine how much more the world would suck if there were no dogs in it. Loving dogs is a wonderful feeling and being loved back by a dog is the cure-all for maybe everything.
Modelling by Magdalena Andruszkiewicz. Design by Agnieszka Osipa. Picture by A.M. Lorek Photography.
I’m always running into a room with the announcement, “I BOW TO THE BAO” and Dylan always ignores me. So I say it again, sometimes thrice even. Finally Dylan says, “You notice how I never laughed the first 45 times you tried that joke?” And then I just bow deeply, to the bao, and I giggle. This ongoing gag is endless, and only one of us is laughing.
Feather knows that I’ll always take care of her and protect her, she never has to worry or feel sad, even when we’re someplace scary like the vet.
The Grand Lisboa Hotel viewed from the alleys of Macao. Designed by Hong Kong architects Dennis Lau and Ng Chun Man, the hotel has 430 rooms and has been open for a decade. It is the tallest building in Macau and forms the most distinctive part of the city skyline.
TOKIMONSTA FEAT. YUNA Don’t Call Me
GIRAFFAGE FEAT. JAPANESE BREAKFAST Maybes (RAC Mix)
AIRE ATLANTICA FEAT. AMERIA Make You Mine
SHLOHMO Buried
CLOZEE Get Up Now
NICOLAS JAAR Stay in Love
KONSHENS Gal Tan Up
SINJIN HAWKE Onset
NGHTMRE & BOOMBOX CARTEL Aftershock (YDR Remix)
SUBDOCTA Crystals and Kombucha
CULPRATE & ZENJI Ghostmachine
UNLIMITED GRAVITY & DMVU Rain Cloud
DJ SHADOW FEAT. NILS FRAHM Bergschrund
LUCID VISION Continue Forward
CASHMERE CAT, MAJOR LAZER, TORY LANEZ Miss You
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Don’t wait until you’re old and sick to start caring about how you look and feel. Do it now. Do not deprioritize your health and happiness. Health is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Don’t wait to start caring about trying to change the person you have become. Start by caring about the person you are. There really is no time like the present.
What are you putting off and avoiding doing? That’s what you should be doing now. What have you left undone and are trying to explain away? That’s what you should have already finished. What do you love that you wish you had more time for? That’s what’s not actually important to you at all. Define what matters to you and do it. If you’re not doing it then it doesn’t really matter to you does it. Stop making excuses and get to work. You have all the time you need, unless you waste it. Life is a gift, but it’s up to you to live.
We all have the potential to leave other people better off than they were. Even something as simple as smiling at someone can make their whole day. Every person has the power to make a change. We all have it in us to be able to improve the world, to make it better and brighter, for ourselves and for each other. The question is, will we? Love is what makes the whole thing matter. Receiving love makes us brave, and giving love makes us beautiful.
Women need to think less about tearing each other down and more about lifting each other up. Envy, jealousy and bitterness will make you really ugly, no matter how beautiful you think you are. Life is a team sport and you’re only as good as your team. Your life won’t be good if your team isn’t good. Without real friendship and family and love, you’re fucked.
Shivers is mad. Like how do you produce work that’s that creative, interesting, fucked up and original, way before everyone else, way different than everyone else, and coming out of somewhere as placid as Canada. The Canadian Arts Council even funded his work despite its twisted and envelope pushing nature. So inspiring and impressive. Fuck yeah David Cronenberg.
In heaven I’m going to eat a pile of donuts and drink a bunch of beer, forever. Get drunk, stuff my fucking face, sit on a cloud and yell at people. “Hey! You! Get off of my cloud.” Also I won’t share. Tell everyone to get their own goddamn donuts and beer. Plus I won’t sing hymns. Fuck that. I might however still write my little stories. Lay down wry vignettes about God, ruthlessly chronicle all his errors and highlight his mistakes. Spend the rest of my time rolling my eyes and smirking.
Pro tip: Men don’t be assholes and ladies by all means be a bitch, just don’t overdo it because there is such a thing as being too bitchy. Also if you don’t think I’m smart and funny we probably can’t be friends. If I don’t think you’re smart and funny we definitely can’t be friends. And if I haven’t said “I don’t like you” doesn’t mean I do. Also don’t be a freeloader or a user. Other people do not exist merely for you to take advantage of them. Also don’t talk my ear off about your problems, especially if you’re not going to take my advice, especially if you don’t actually want your situation to change or improve. Nothing is automatic in this world. Human relationships are complicated and difficult. They require constant maintenance, diligence, focus and hard work, but so does being good at anything, including being a good person.
